“You Look Like A Bottom” | Looks Can Be Deceiving! 0 2858

One of the most frustrating experiences as a Black gay man is dealing with labels and prejudgment from within the community.

[ish is soooo annoying!]

Regardless of either or, I always remain confident in who I am and what I represent.

We’re a part of a community that will judge first before getting to know a person, if at all.

I make it known from jump I’m just Anthony and I’m just being myself.

I am not masculine, and I’m not feminine.

I would consider myself [in-between] and those two categories does not define me.  

Some folk care way too much about who’s masculine and who’s feminine instead of valuing and judging a person based on their true character. 






You can be a masculine top and a masculine bottom [vice versa].

The community should never force nobody to assign to a specific role or sexual position and then tell them how to look or appear.

You can want a masculine man and desire to have one penetrate you. That’s fine, but if a man isn’t masculine does that mean we can’t have the sexual desire to top? 

I should not have to play into the community’s roles to get me some arseeeee. I don’t care how much of a bottom I may appear to be or act like.

Why does it have to be taboo for bottoms to TOP?

It seems like once someone places you in a particular box, you can’t qualify for the other position. 

When guys say things like, you look like a bottom; you act or move like a bottom which makes me feel like I’m being placed in a feminine position. I am not feminine, and even if I was feminine. I would still be judged and forced into a box in which I never assigned for myself to begin with.

Am I supposed to PRETEND and put on an act to appear a certain way?

Let me clarify something for a lot of you fellas who believe in this whole feminine equals bottom and masculine equals top.

I am attracted mostly to BOTTOMS.

Eggplants barely do it for me. 

To be honest, I would love to call myself a full TOP and just smother my face in every cake I could come across in the bakery. 

But the reality of the situation kicks in. Since I am not “trade” or appear masculine enough then I am placed into the bottom position. Mind you, I make it known I’m fully versatile-bottom, but I prefer to top more than be on the receiving end.

All of that does not matter because these small-minded individuals believe what they want to believe.

Sometimes I feel forced to take on this versatile role because I’m always being reminded of what somebody else sees for me.

People who know nothing about me but feel as if they can tell me what I like based on my appearance.

People who have never had a moment or minute in bed with me to determine my sexual interests or desires.


I know I am not “masculine,” but that does not mean I only interested in jumping on an eggplant.

If I could pick between a wood and arseeee, I’m going for the cakes period!




You can’t place me into any box just by a freaking description.

I can never qualify as being a strict bottom when good bussayyyy keeps me righttttt, and my love just won’t go down.

I don’t even get excited by jumping on a guy’s sledgehammer.

[My reaction every time I see an unsolicited pic.] 

No, I don’t care to be the catcher… I rather PITCH! 

I find it sad that complete strangers can tell you about yourself and tell you what you like or don’t like by your appearance or mannerisms alone. I have NEVER judged a gay man by those factors because I know those are not the cold facts. A person may appear one way and in the bedroom turn out differently.

Yeah, I may have non-masculine qualities about myself but when I’m in those sheets, I’m a different person. It’s not a split personality or alters its just me being my authentic self. I am multifaceted and I like to enjoy all sides and shades of me. I don’t limit myself or box myself in of based on other people’s standards or ways of thinking. I can be submissive and dominant at the drop of a dime because that’s my prerogative.

That’s the problem for some gay men they want to judge and be picky but can’t figure out why the dating pool is small. 

Open your eyes and find yourself in a more prominent position than that small arseee judge’s seat.

I will not:


put on.




portray anything other than who I am.


I make no apologies for it because I will always be my authentic self!!!

There are so many gay men in this community suffering, they are suffering because of how hard this lifestyle is on us!

I’ve seen gay men who put on these hyper-masculine masks, and they pretend just so someone can accept them even for one night. 

For all my in-between (non-masculine) brothers do not allow this community or these gay men to drive you crazy. You do not have to be what they require you to be. You don’t have to follow the guidelines they follow regarding these positions and labels. Do not force yourself to become somebody you’re not to fit in or to be accepted.

We have to remain confident about ourselves no matter how hard it may be sometimes for you. The criticism, the judgement, the label addicts, the closed-minded folks should never get you down. Do not confine yourself of what makes you happy because of what other gay men say or claims you should do. Be your own self and live by your own rules and set your own guidelines.

We often feel pressured to meet certain standards in order to not stand out from the crowd but sometimes standing out makes you, you.

I don’t care how many guys turn you down or try to throw shade in your direction. Stand your ground, defend your honor and do not bend or become persuaded by this community.


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I write what I love and share what my little golden heart desires! 👨🏾‍💻 Black Gay Writer, Author, Creative Creator. Future Filmmaker, Television Producer and Mogul In The Making!

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