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“You Look Like A Bottom” | Looks Can Be Deceiving!

JustBeingAnthony

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Looks can deceive and I had many of you fooled! First, let’s speak about the fact that judging a person based on their looks is immature as fuck. Second, I can look like a whole ass bottom and still put in more work than most tops you’ve ever had in your entire bottoming career.

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Let’s just call it what it is… Judgment within the gay community is very toxic and I mean TOXIC! We have many people making assumptions out of their ass. What you think you know, what you think you have figured out is wrong in most situations regarding somebody to you looking like a “bottom.”

This is something that I’ve had to deal with from day one. I came into the gay community being forced into categories and lanes outside of the ones I wanted to create for myself.

You look like a bottom…

You have bottom tendencies…

You’re not MASC enough…

Why you look feminine? 

Are you feminine?

You ever topped before?

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Yeah, that’s exactly what the fuck it is… That’s how I want it to be. I made myself look or come across like a bottom! YEAH. (EYE ROLL).

I mean the list of statements and questions regarding my sexual position is beyond annoying. I’m sure many of you, who are like me (in-between) feel the same fucking way.

Why can’t we just be great? 

Why can’t we just do what makes us happy by our standards involving sexuality? 

Why must I be forced to act a certain way… 

Move a certain way…

Talk a certain way to appease you? 

You know what? I see why a lot of “bottoms” do switch up and become “fake tops” and straight-up fuck these guys over. I get it now and it took me a long time to fully understand the mentality with a lot of gay men in the community. It took me AGES to understand why a lot of gay men think this way.

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I have never defined myself as anything other than just being ANTHONY. If anybody knows me they know I don’t do labels. The only reason why I may resort or mention a label is to explain something regarding the gay community in their terminology.

I don’t feel like labels are bad but I also believe that labels have created a certain division amongst the gay community. We should be FREE when it comes to expressing our sexuality. Nobody should be forced to ACT a certain way just to be embraced or accepted. People can have their preferences for how they like their man to be, but that doesn’t change my expression when it comes to my sexuality.

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I can be a whole ass top and queen the fuck out if I feel the need to do that. Why judge me if I decide to look more feminine than masculine or act as a whole ass queen? Does that stop me from sliding up in a man’s gut and fucking the shit out of him? NO.

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My personality.

Appearance.

Attitude.

Stance…

Should never define, who I am as a gay man or my sexual position/preference. If I want to look a certain way, that’s my prerogative.

We need to stop worrying about what other gay men don’t like and do what makes us happy. A lot of you know this already, but I see it all the time. Gays are out here pretending just to be approved or wanted.

I don’t care if I turn a man on or off regarding the way I come across or act. This is who I am and I shouldn’t have to pipe down, turn down, turn off my true being for your insecurities, lack of expression and close-mindedness.

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For every gay man that tells you, that you look like something that doesn’t register with your internal being — play them no mind! Don’t allow people to define you. Love yourself inside and out for all your flaws, imperfections and issues. You were designed differently for a reason!

It doesn’t matter if you’re feminine or masculine do what feels right to you and not what feels right by other gays. You can change a lot about yourself but if you not “whole” if you not complete “inside” then none of those changes matter. You won’t ever be happy if you focus on what other gay men find attractive or appealing.

So I want all you guys reading this right now to stop focusing on what other gay men say about you but focus on how you feel about yourself! Especially on social media, the lack of likes and hearts can cause a person to question their entire existence and it’s never that deep.

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Dear Gay Sapiosexuals Come Forth

JustBeingAnthony

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Sapiosexual

A sapiosexual is someone that is sexually and mentally turned on by smart people. Sapiosexuals are aroused by intelligence.

I am 100 percent sapiosexual. This means you can’t get to my dick or ass until you fuck my mind first! Mmmkay?

I need a deep mental connection and stimulation for me to be aroused sexually. I have never been one for one night stands or flings. Yes, I’ve engaged in those activities but I am not a sexual seeker for random encounters.

Talking a good dick game and sharing nudes just not going to work for the majority of us.

Will human nature occur and create arousal? Of course its only natural. But sexually I won’t be engaged or stimulated enough to have my volcano erupt! 

For many of us, we want to get to know a man inside and out. Yes, the flesh is weak and once again we can be sexually aroused but nothing keeps that stimulation or focus longer than a deep mental connection.

I find that terminology such as sapiosexual is not widely known just yet. I think more people are now coming to terms with all of these different terms regarding demisexual, pansexual, omnisexual, autosexual, androgynosexual, graysexual, asexual and the list goes on.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting a meaningful conversation and a mental connection with a person. I think the biggest challenge for most of these men is the fact they don’t want to put in the work.

When you tell a guy you’re sapiosexual and he’s unsure exactly what that means and researches it. He immediately ghosts or become more distant because he realizes you won’t be as easy to conquer as the next guy.

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He feels intimidated because now he has to put in more work than he’s ever put in before with any guy. That’s demanding a lot for a lot of these men who are used to quick access to sex, love, etc.

Me personally I believe being sapiosexual has helped me in many ways. I like to explore a man’s mind deep. Nothing turns me on more than a man who is well diverse in his conversation and how he expresses himself during different topics. I don’t find myself sex-focused anymore like I used to be.

A man’s mind is the focus for me. More than anything else his mind gotta be on point to win me over before his body does. There’s so much power in not being powerless when it comes to controlling your sexual cravings or needs. When you are in full control nothing can alter your mind.

You won’t feel the way you usually would feel which leads most of us to sleeping with random people. In most cases the wrong people and then we left wondering why the fuck we fucked them.

Sex ain’t shit without a mental connection, fellas. You will feel empty after engaging in sex with a person you don’t feel any connection to at all. While some people may not feel this way the majority of us regret half of the people we once fucked.

Also, know it’s never too late to become sapiosexual. If you are tired of random bodies to your body count then make that change.

Some of you should be tired of going in and out of people’s clinics. Build a mental connection before you focus on sexual chemistry.

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Dear Gays | Microwavable Relationships | Lets Talk!

JustBeingAnthony

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The question of the day for many of you reading this article is why (A strong why!) do you guys feel gay relationships are so complicated?

I’m curious to find out why so many of our gay brothers struggle at building or maintaining relationships.

(Don’t be shy — you can leave a comment about this as well.)

Every time I go on Facebook or IG these gay couples are switching up and swooping new partners every other week or month.

Nothing seems stable and most of these couples fail to connect to each other outside of smoking and sex.

These microwaveable relationships are toxic.

These microwavable relationships will be the downfall of our future.

These microwaveable relationships are sky-high trending in our community.

Everything is so fast pace from the talking phase to the meeting to fucking to jumping in love prematurely.

A lot of these gay men (some of you reading this as well!) jump from one dick to the next in a short period of time.

Some of y’all be jumping from dick to dick just to get the last dick taste off your tongue.

I’ve seen some gays with a new boyfriend every two weeks. Some of you don’t even wash your sheets as often as you find a new man. No shade but shade, Pooh!

We have to stop getting in relationships that we are not willing to nurture or grow into over time. The issue is when we have to remember not to be so quick to throw in the towel at the slightest issue or problem that we may often come across in the relationship.

In Case If You Missed It!  Dear Gay Sapiosexuals Come Forth

But the biggest factor for all these microwavable relationships is due to many gays searching for the love that they lack within themselves.

Bang bang!!! Yeah, I went all the way the fuck in. If it hit you hard just now, you know it’s the truth too.

You running from one man to the next in hopes of finding love but you don’t see that YOU ARE the main factor in all of your relationship mess.

Instead of building strong relationships a lot of you treat dating as if you’re at a speed dating event. The only issue is y’all already supposedly established the relationship with the person and now you onto the next guy just as fast.

The same issues going to keep surfacing in every relationship you jump into overnight because you not taking time to get to know these men nor yourself.

I have been there and I’ve done it and I can confess to not being able to honestly love myself first.

You want to love everybody but your own self cause you will have to face your own insecurities or issues.

You think you’ve found somebody to take on those challenges but you only end up meeting yourself in that other person.

You think they going to love you for you and love you through your pain. They don’t because just like you they don’t often know how to love themselves either.

So we have a lot of guys chasing love from everybody else but themselves first and foremost. Some of these men struggle with identity issues, abandonment, trauma and more from their childhood oftentimes relating to their sexuality.

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So how do you expect hurt people not to hurt you too?

How do you expect hurt people who don’t love themselves or know themselves enough to love and genuinely get to know you?

The truth is they not going to be willing to fight for you as you should fight for yourself.

Most guys who run from relationship to relationship do not take a moment to stop and realize they running from all of their own problems.

The only result you will get is a cycle of dysfunctional microwavable relationships back to back. Just a new dick to conquer only to end up back single with a wet ass and nothing to show for it.

In order for a relationship to work, you need to work on yourself before building the relationship.

Guys, we need to stop pointing our fingers at every guy we deal with but also notice that we also have to focus on our involvement as well.

That’s not the case for everybody but even staying with a guy who ain’t shit is just as toxic.

If you with a man and you can’t tell him about shit or the obvious baggage he’s carried into your current relationship then give it up now.

Why would you stay in a bad relationship? What happened in your past relationship(s) for you to tolerate the current negative one?

Microwavable relationships do not benefit either party involved. If anything you both end up losing more than gaining by the end of the quick romance. It doesn’t last because most of the time neither of you has anything to bring to the table or to offer outside of the bedroom.

In Case If You Missed It!  Dear Gays | Microwavable Relationships | Lets Talk!

Fin.

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Dear Gays | No Heteronormativity Allowed!

JustBeingAnthony

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Heteronormativity is the belief that heterosexuality, predicated on the gender binary, is the norm or default sexual orientation. It assumes that sexual and marital relations are most fitting between people of the opposite sex!

Listen, fellas, we are not straight people. Please do not subscribe to a position in a relationship based solely on heterosexual couples.

I like the balance. I believe tops, bottoms, versatile men can be submissive or dominant. You can be a masculine bottom with a feminine top. It doesn’t have to be the opposite all the time. A bottom should have just as much power in the relationship as the top.

Nobody has to take the lesser position to be satisfied in the relationship or to please their partner. As ridiculous as that meme of the top claiming his bottom will not pay rent. People actually subscribe to that bullshit.

The Heteronormative narrative is overexposed, overrated and dysfunctional to our community. I see very few couples surviving off of heteronormative views.

I am all the roles in all aspects of a gay relationship. I don’t believe in forcing myself into one lane when it comes to relationships. I don’t wanna be forced to be submissive or dominant. I don’t wanna have somebody play zaddy or bottom bitch. I want to have a balance.

I believe the best relationships come from balance. Heterosexual couples who last the longest usually last due to balance. This isn’t the 1950s anymore. Women are not playing stay at home wives and mothers. That model of relationship has been broken a long time ago.

There’s enough opportunity in a relationship for both of us to strive and whatever our partner lacks at we should be able to pick up the slack. It’s about teamwork. It’s not based on being any particular roles in the relationship.

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The reason why I feel like the whole Heteronormativity mentality in gay relationships fails is that I feel like as two men, our ego will become fragile and eventually clash.

I don’t care how much a man wants a dominant controlling man who runs everything. Eventually, he’ll want to take his power back. At some point in time, he’ll rebel or feel as though his voice isn’t being heard in a relationship.

I don’t care how much he wants to play wifey or that bottom submissive role. It’s only a certain amount of time before he’ll feel as if he’s not being respected or considered in the relationship.

Heteronormativity is toxic and only holding us back from forming our own understanding of what a gay relationship entitles. We have to create our own relationship model and build our own mind when it comes to dating and love as two men in a union together.

Our fairytale romance will never look like the straight romantic flicks in the movies and on television. No matter how close we come to it. It’s just different in many ways.

We need to discover how a real gay relationship supposed to look and then we’re able to succeed at building our own relationships outside of how straight couples engage in their own relationships.

Do not define your relationship by the heteronormative standards.

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