I find many trans men very attractive. For me, anything that looks like a guy, resembles a gentleman or appears as a man is a perfect fella for me. I love men, and I wouldn’t discriminate against a man of trans experience.
I’ve had my share of trans men of color in my DM’s. No, I have not experienced being in a relationship or even having an encounter with a trans man. I would love to have the opportunity. The experience for me would have to be natural and random.
A lot of trans men are just not appreciated and often, disrespected within the community. Yes, trans men can identify as gay because their gender change does not define their sexual orientation. #FUNFACT for the people who don’t understand the difference between sexuality and gender.
The way a person identifies their (gender) is not the same way they may identify their (sexuality). People get gender change mixed up with sexual identity as simple as it is people say all types of silly ish.
Many gay men I know of regard most trans men as sexual objects. The flip side to that is the fact trans men deal with rejection and discrimination within the LGBTQ community. I asked a group of gay men of color if they would date a trans man and these were their responses.
I would if I liked them enough. – Kevin 26, California
I would, but only if I’m attracted to the person. – Adam 33, New York
No, because he doesn’t have what I want. – DJ 20, Georgia
I’m open. Depends on the guy, I meet. – Rick 31, New York
I don’t know if I would. I date based on personality. Yes, the trans part of it is a factor to consider. – Nate 28, Texas
Yes, I’m more attracted to people than parts. – Tyler 20, Michigan
Yes, I would. I still see them as men. – Ryan 18, Illinois
I would I have a problem with that. – Dylan 23, New York
Yes. I Can’t help who I’m attracted to and if he happens to be trans, then that’s my prerogative. – Chris 25, Florida
I have nothing against trans men, but they aren’t my type. – Nick 21, Maryland
Probably not, just because as a gay man I’ve only liked cis-gendered men. I never had the thought of dating a trans man. If I was more exposed to Trans men, I think I might date one. – Nate 19, Maryland
No, unfortunately, and I’m not attracted to most Transmen, anyway. – Chuck 28, Texas
No, I wouldn’t because I like real guys, no offense to Transmen. – Antonio 23, Alabama
I don’t think I could give a definite answer to that now. I’m not looking for a relationship. However, I could date a trans man. I feel like it would be a little hard for us to make a substantial connection because of my lack to understand what it is like being trans. I respect the choice of trans; I don’t understand it. – Chris 30, Kentucky
No, I like natural men. – Bradley 29, Ohio
We need to stop attacking trans men and embrace them. Don’t view them as sexual experiences and surrogates. These men are just like you. They got feelings. I could only imagine how hard it must be for them to fight for acceptance in society. At the same time also face rejection by most of the LGBTQ community. Trans men belong in the community just as much as us cis-men. We shouldn’t bash them or disrespect them but support them all.
I reached out to a trans man that I knew would give me all the answers; I needed for this topic. Rashod Xavier Brown jumped on it and here is the final product of our in-depth unscripted, candid conversation.
[JBA]: Being a trans man of color, when did you first realize you were different gender-wise? Also, what made you continue feeling an attraction for cis-men?
I never felt like a girl. Society were the ones who told me I was. I have always thought cis-men, were cute. It wasn’t until I transitioned then I was like, okay let’s try dating cis-men.
[JBA]: Being a trans man of color, do you often find discrimination from gay men, who may not see you as an equal? Question number two, have you faced any challenges with dating gay men who discriminated against your trans-hood?
Yes. There’s a lot of discrimination from gay men. It sickens me.
I don’t date men that will say anything negative about me being trans. I get to know the guy before I jump into a relationship, so if I hear or see anything negative, I cut them off like I never knew them. The good thing for me is I am not gay, I am pansexual, and I date not only cis-gay men.
[JBA]: So being a pansexual trans-man, what is your biggest challenge in finding love?
Finding someone who loves me for me, all of Rashod X. Brown. Not just the fact I am a trans man. Gay men and trans woman use us as baby makers. Not to say all do, but I have come across a few that have asked me to have their kid. What is crazy about that is they ask without even wanting to get to know me or build a relationship first! Then I tell them where to stick their dick.
The people that want me; I don’t want, and the people I want, don’t want me [lol]. Hey, this is life right? Oh and also, the men I want lives far away, so there’s that too.
[JBA]: A lot of gay men and [trans women] use trans men for birth carrying purposes [sometimes]. Do you think, it’s even acceptable for people to seek that, without forming an actual connection to the trans man?
I don’t know who in their right mind, would think’s ok that like going up to a random woman on the street. And you haven’t seen her twice but ask her to have your baby. Like the hell? This is what I have to say to the pieces of ish who ask this question. You want a baby, go sleep with a woman for it.
[JBA]: Trans men are often also fantasized by gay men (and trans women) and sometimes viewed only for surrogacy and lustful purposes. Do you often meet gay men who want to hook up but don’t care to love you?
Yes, most of the time.
[JBA]: If you could give a substantial piece of advice to other trans men who experience that same disappointment, what would you tell them?
Don’t start off just dating cis-men and if you do, don’t settle. You’re worth more than to be a baby maker or a sexual fetish.
I want to thank Rashod Xavier Brown for doing this interview speaking about his trans experience. We need more trans men to create a platform to have their voices heard and stories told. These are issues that are affecting the entire LGBTQ community, but we need to hear from all sides. One voice matters! Be that voice and speak your truth and, others will relate, and you never know who you may inspire with your story and testimony.