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Dear Gays: No Heteronormativity Allowed!

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Heteronormativity is the belief that heterosexuality, predicated on the gender binary, is the norm or default sexual orientation. It assumes that sexual and marital relations are most fitting between people of the opposite sex!


Listen, fellas, we are not straight people. Please do not subscribe to a position in a relationship based solely on heterosexual couples.

I like the balance. I believe tops, bottoms, versatile men can be submissive or dominant. You can be a masculine bottom with a feminine top. It doesn’t have to be the opposite all the time. A bottom should have just as much power in the relationship as the top.


Nobody has to take the lesser position to be satisfied in the relationship or to please their partner. As ridiculous as that meme of the top claiming his bottom will not pay rent. People actually subscribe to that bullshit.

The Heteronormative narrative is overexposed, overrated and dysfunctional to our community. I see very few couples surviving off of heteronormative views.



I am all the roles in all aspects of a gay relationship. I don’t believe in forcing myself into one lane when it comes to relationships. I don’t wanna be forced to be submissive or dominant. I don’t wanna have somebody play zaddy or bottom bitch. I want to have a balance.

I believe the best relationships come from balance. Heterosexual couples who last the longest usually last due to balance. This isn’t the 1950s anymore. Women are not playing stay at home wives and mothers. That model of relationship has been broken a long time ago.

There’s enough opportunity in a relationship for both of us to strive and whatever our partner lacks at we should be able to pick up the slack. It’s about teamwork. It’s not based on being any particular roles in the relationship.


The reason why I feel like the whole Heteronormativity mentality in gay relationships fails is that I feel like as two men, our ego will become fragile and eventually clash.

I don’t care how much a man wants a dominant controlling man who runs everything. Eventually, he’ll want to take his power back. At some point in time, he’ll rebel or feel as though his voice isn’t being heard in a relationship.

I don’t care how much he wants to play wifey or that bottom submissive role. It’s only a certain amount of time before he’ll feel as if he’s not being respected or considered in the relationship.


Heteronormativity is toxic and only holding us back from forming our own understanding of what a gay relationship entitles. We have to create our own relationship model and build our own mind when it comes to dating and love as two men in a union together.

Our fairytale romance will never look like the straight romantic flicks in the movies and on television. No matter how close we come to it. It’s just different in many ways.

We need to discover how a real gay relationship supposed to look and then we’re able to succeed at building our own relationships outside of how straight couples engage in their own relationships.

Do not define your relationship by the heteronormative standards.

it’s a vibe it’s a mood 😛😜


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