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Dear Black Gay Men

Thirst Traps On Social Media And The Men Who Use Them!

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Yesterday, I came across one of my social media follower’s profile after, he posted some pictures on Facebook. The images were explicit and very sexualized.
The message, I got from looking at his photographs were thirst traps. Now, I could be wrong but if you’re going to take several pictures of your ass arched up. Please make sure that this is the type of attention you are seeking. Do you think you’re attracting the right kind of men? Do you think you will earn their respect like this?
For me, I couldn’t be in his shoes or position. I don’t have time for all that madness which involves weirdos, stalkers, random sex demons in my dms. 
 
He wrote about wanting to be, loved and how men aren’t shit. He went on post after post wishing that he had a bae to cuddle up with at night, etc. Justall this extra shit right? I was over it; I kept scrolling down the timeline and reading more posts on how lonely he was at night. 

I am so lonely I do deserve love and a man who will make my dreams come true. I know I’m worthy of it. I want somebody to hold me at night and to appreciate me. Why can’t I find true love? Why can’t he just come to me? Sometimes I dream of having that perfect man even though he’s somewhere out there waiting for me. I’ll find true love no matter how hard I look. He will always be the man in my dreams that someday will come true. Where are you, Superman? I need you now. I can’t go on another lonely night in my empty cold bed without you. Why can’t you just come and rescue me from my thirst trapping ways? I know I post these pictures because I’m looking for attention. All I want is attention, and these guys aren’t enough. I think my body is beautiful in the nude and I don’t know why they only want me for sex. Why can’t they want me for me and not for my body? Yeah I know I’m posting it all over the internet. Someday I’ll find that man who will want to fuck me. Also, he will want to love me.

CRACKS VIOLIN.

That’s not going to get you a “bae” that’s going to get you some dack.

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Let me point out the fact that actual guys were commenting on this mans nudes. It seemed like every second a new comment popped up. I would refreshen the page, and they came pouring in.
This is when things go entirely left.
It always goes left, and these guys still don’t get it.
HE WASN’T BUILT FOR THAT SHIT!
So the comments were becoming more aggressive and more sexually explicit. These guys were telling him all sorts of nasty shit they want to do to him. I saw a few dick pics were posted in the comments. Everything was completely disrespectful.

SIDE EYE!

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What made me cringe was his reaction to the comments. He was so OFFENDED and BOTHERED, he made it known that his feelings were HURT (rolls eyes.)

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He started going off at the comments talking about “you thirsty ass ni&&as and all you hoes want is some ass and a nut.”

He acted oblivious to the entire set up and then call and bait. He placed himself out there to be, viewed explicitly only for him to turn around and attack the men for stating the obvious.

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SIR… You can’t get mad when you get what you ask for online. It doesn’t work like that mmmkay. You have to take it back.

TAKE IT ALL BACK!

Delete and erase all this shit off your page and start brand new. Never make this dumb ass decision again. You can’t go off about the reactions to your conscious decision. You decided to post those pictures, and now you want to act like you didn’t ask for the responses? So what the fuck you do it for?

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I politely slid in his DM’s (not for the cakes his hotcakes were flat!), So I asked him was he okay?

He immediately started going off on me talking crazy. I don’t do well with that type of treatment. I was trying to be positive and show my concern. I was trying to give him my advice on what I was seeing occur on his page. My opinion could have been way more harsh or also more DIRECT. Even with me going easy on him he took it personally.
Needless to say, that ass was, what? He got blocked and tossed in the bin with the rest of the thirst traps that spam my timeline.

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You can’t get mad sir when you were the one to put yourself out there like that. You got what you were looking for sir. If you’re giving THE LOOK, ILLUSION, THE IMAGE, etc. Then expect for people to form their opinion based on the photos on your page.
They’re going to say all that stuff in your comments. They’re going to feel comfortable to reveal themselves and their private parts to you. I mean hello, do you not see how you’re portraying yourself on the internet?
I see this situation time and time again.
It always ends up messy no matter how you cut the pie. The person who posted the image will still get in their feelings. Sad enough. They fail to realize the message they’re portraying themselves on social media.
One thing you can’t do is thirst trap while using the disguise of looking for love. You are giving lust, sexual, horny realness. It doesn’t work out in your favor. No matter what you say, it will make you look bad period.
People need to take responsibility for how they’re portraying themselves online.
You’re making these long ass facebook statuses on some boo hoo type shit one second and the next second posting your ass out.
I don’t like contradictions. If you’re going to preach against something, then don’t turn around and do it the complete opposite.
If you’re claiming you want a particular blessing, then don’t go seeking the total opposite. If you want somebody to take you seriously, then look at how you’re presenting yourself.
 
Love and lust do not go together. When you display lust but crying about wanting something more, it looks kind of funny. Me personally If I come across a guy like that I’m not going to take him seriously. The first thought in my mind is you want “love” from everybody. I’m going to assume you down for loving on every guy that gives you some attention.
 
If you want to be about sex, then do you. Post all the ass and thirst traps of your dack online as you want. Don’t say you didn’t get what you were asking for when the comments pop up.
 
Most of these men want attention and need the validation to feel good. Instead of displaying a positive image. They think when they post their ass, and dack will get a better response. Little do they know that it only lasts about two minutes and once the sexual arousal is over so are you. He goes onto the next piece of ass online.
 
I will never post my body on the internet for attention. There’s no amount of love you can give me to make me feel to go to that level of desperation. I refuse to embarrass myself in that way. For what some likes and few hundred views? That shit is not worth no amount of attention online or off the internet. It’s not productive shit; I can’t build or flip that shit into a dollar.
 
The thirst is real, and you’re looking thirsty. When they get a fill-up, they get pressed. They want to huff and puff about being, disrespected and not regarded.
 
We can’t expect for these men to respect us if we don’t respect ourselves! Do you want love darling? Then present yourself in a way that the right type of guy can find worthy of respect.
 
You may attract him some guys by posting that ass. They may tell you all the shit you want to hear. I can promise you one thing, that shit won’t last though, and I bet you they won’t stick around.
 
Dear black gay men do better! We can’t keep taking these damn L’s. This is common, and I see it all the damn time! Stop the bullshit fellas!

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Dear Black Gay Men

“Just Because I F*ck Guys Doesn’t Mean I’m Gay”

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Khalil Wells sets the record straight and lets the gay community know that he’s not gay. Now a lot of you are side-eyeing him, but let me remind you of the reality of the community.

Some men do not describe, connect or even identify themselves as homosexual. It doesn’t matter how many dicks they may take or give to other men of the same sex. These men are no different from those who prefer women but enjoy sexual encounters with men on the side.

WE CAN NOT FORCE SOMEBODY INTO A LEAGUE or COMMUNITY, IN WHICH THEY DO NOT IDENTIFY THEMSELVES AS BEING APART OF PERIOD POINT BLANK.

I get it, many of you may not understand sexuality, but it’s pretty diverse to the point that everything can be fluid without any actual attachment. There is no one set rule when it comes to SEX.

Some of you do know there is a difference between sexual identification and actual sex?

There are plenty of men who identify as heterosexual but may engage with other men.

I REPEAT!

There are plenty of men who identify as heterosexual but may engage with other men.

We need to stop forcing people into a box for one strict sexual orientation which they do not want to choose for themselves. They do not have to be FORCED to conform to your expectations when it comes to their sexual identity. 

I WILL LET THAT PROCESS FOR SOME OF YOU! 

You may call him gay all day long but if the man is saying he’s not gay leave it alone. Who am I or anybody else to force a title on somebody? That’s the problem! We are so quick to push these titles and labels on people who do not identify with that particular label or title.

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This goes hand in hand with sexual positioning. You may call me a fem bottom just because my mannerisms is one way doesn’t mean I identify as being feminine or a bottom. We want to diagnose people, but we fail to realize there’s no limit or set rule that indicates that one can’t explore their options. This man may have had sex for whatever reason with other men. Who am I to judge him and try to force him to identify with something that clearly doesn’t represent him.

We have the freedom to identify as whatever we choose to identify with. If I wanted to say I’m a masculine man and I may not appear masculine, then that’s my choice. If you decide to identify as a feminine gay man, but all the bottoms of the sea want you to be a top, then who they to tell you who to be is?

Stop placing people in these boxes and labeling them all sorts of shit. If a person tells you, no I do not identify with this particular lifestyle or sexuality, then allow them that right of choice. Pointing out how many bottoms of the sea he has smashed (vice versa) won’t change his mindset or mentality. Allow this man to express himself however way he identities and also connects with as a human being.

This also can be said for down low men who happen to swing from women to men. There are many down low guys who do not consider themselves “gay” but very much engage in homosexual practices and acts. The only difference is the fact that this guy is well known in the community and most of those DL men aren’t.

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Enough of this label shaming and trying to force people into these labeled sexual boxes. Some people enjoy the act but do not call themselves homosexual. Allow this man to be himself and express his RIGHTS as an individual. A lot of people are legit MAD about this guy clarifying and stating his sexuality.

Okay, so you saw some videos on Pornhub that’s cool. If you don’t know this man in real life, then you don’t know him period. How are you going to tell him how he should identify himself as being when he’s his own person.

I do not know this man, I’ve never heard of him, but I respect his right to identify as straight or bicurious in whatever way he chooses to define his sexuality.

FIN!


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Dear Black Gay Men

“Dating In The Black Gay Community Doesn’t Exist Anymore!”

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Last night, I was having a pretty interesting conversation with a guy from one of my FB groups. We ended up chatting after I left an open-ended question on the page. He responded, and we decided to chat more privately on messenger.

My question in the group was based on other guys experience with dating in the black gay community back in 2008 vs. today, in 2018. As many of you know, there has been a significant change in the dating department for ALL OF US. With new technology and apps dating and discovering ways to date has changed. Some people would argue with the fact that some of these changes have affected a good amount of black gay men.

I would say, everybody’s opinion on this topic is different. I may feel like dating in 2018 is different from 2008, but you may not agree for whatever reason. I think age groups have similarities being that I’m not going to be able to connect to an 18-year-old at 28 about online dating back in 2008 because there’s an age gap. He’s not going to have the same experiences as me when it comes to dating in 2018 vs. 2008. GET MY POINT? 

I will say last night speaking with one of my peers, and I was able to hear from his perspective how his dating life has changed over this the last decade was pretty interesting, to say the least. 

He’s 30 years old, successful brutha with his own businesses and he resides in D.C. He’s been single for over five years now because he doesn’t feel like there’s much of a dating culture anymore in the black gay community.

While I agree with him, I also had to disagree with his opinions on dating apps.

His views were entirely against dating apps and he even claimed that the last app he used was BGCLIVE which is ancient shit (no shade but shade.) 

So with his lack of experience with new dating techniques (online mobile apps), he has closed off a huge possibility of meeting his potential mate since the majority of gay men are accessible online. I’m guessing he still goes to gay clubs to meet guys or bathhouses. NO SHADE. 

He feels like Jack’d, Grindr, POF, Tinder are all complete waste of time and he doesn’t have much time to entertain those type of apps. IN HIS WORDS NOT MINE! 

I am a user of a majority of those apps. I think my experience with dating has also been complicated, but I do feel like they may work for other people.

I don’t think the dating culture within the black gay community is gone. I think the way we date has changed and maybe for some, it hasn’t changed for the better. I speak about these things because I am in the community and I ENGAGE with the community on these issues. A lot of black gay men feel like there’s no point in dating and the only purpose of those apps is only for sex. I get it, and I understand why so many of my peers think this way.

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For younger gay men in their youth, they tend not to see it that way because they’re now coming of age. Back in 2008, many of us (for those who are in my age group) may feel the same way about the BGCLIVE and ADAM4ADAM during that time period. We didn’t have this MAJOR development when it came to Jack’d (which came out around 2010) and all of these newer apps. I think the speed of things makes a lot of people feel unsure of the possibility of having a successful relationship anymore.

Right now everything is microwavable and quick including love, sex, relationships, and fallouts. Everything seems to be forced or often not enough to fulfill the need of those who are seeking MORE than just one thing or another involving dating or relationships. Often we find that most guys are not willing to commit compared to previous years of dating. I would say that’s mainly since sex is more available now than it was in the past.

You can find you a quick piece of ass today online much quicker than you would have been able to find ten years ago. Yeah BGCLIVE was pretty quick, but that required more hoops to jump through. That application wasn’t mobile, so you weren’t able to meet somebody in the same proximity as you can today outside of the comfort of your home.

Could you imagine us trying to text as quickly and effortlessly back in 2008 as we do now on these dating apps today? (LMAO)

I agree with him on the aspect that dating is NOT THE SAME. There is no real standard way of dating today. Most people do not go out to dinner, a movie and maybe a walk in the park. You’re not going to meet guys that are offering to take you out today compared to years ago. I don’t recall ever having a guy offer to take me out on a traditional date. For me, I have never been offered too many dating Opportunites that did not involve sex, his place or even a quick exchange of meaningless texts. His experience may be different because he resides in a separate area. Your experience may be similar to mine or his depending on your own experiences as well. I don’t think we all can agree or disagree when it comes to dating as black gay men.

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I have met plenty of gay men who reside in California who claims to have a fantastic dating life, and they meet guys for dinner, lunch, coffee all the time. While I’ve met some guys here on my coast in NYC or PHILLY, who have never experienced that courtship and wouldn’t be able to tell you what it feels like to experience it.

So due to that, I wouldn’t be able to agree with him on the fact that it doesn’t exist because it does, for some, it may be amazing, and for others, it might be more complicated and rare.

We can’t say dating doesn’t exist because for everybody their dating experiences are different.

Can we say that dating has changed the culture of the black gay community, yes, without a doubt!

Can we say that dating has been altered in a good or negative way? of course, it has been altered.

One thing, I wouldn’t be able to say about it is the fact that it’s nonexistent because it very well does exist, but with all things so does life has its changes. Nothing was ever meant to stay the same and that includes the way we go about dating and finding potential love.

I think his experiences may have been rough to the point that he no longer cares to try anymore. The hardest thing about dating is actually giving up and not continuing to try. The way he spoke about finding love, he comes off as somebody who desires to share that space with another person. I understand his struggle with trying to find the right person, but I don’t think that should stop him.

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We all have been through the fire and back while trying to date. I think dating is a beautiful experience in our community. We need more examples of positive outcomes of black gay couples and more. If we can get rid of the stigma that dating does not exist in the community, we will have a better outcome with dating as a community.

Stop focusing on what you think and get out there and experience it for yourself.

Listening to thousands of black gay men complain about dating won’t change your dating experience. The only way you can fail if you don’t attempt to try to succeed at it.

The best choice is to trust yourself when making the right decisions in the type of men you choose to get to know. There’s no rule book to dating and no predictions of the actual outcome of your dating experience. Stop listening to what people say based off of their own experiences about shit in life. What’s for them is for them and what they lack to have or find doesn’t affect your possibilities at all.

You have to TRY before you can say you failed at it. Fear is what keeps us from achieving some of our most significant opportunities in life. Meeting that man could be easy for you or it may be a struggle. Nothing comes easy, and if it does, then you need to sit back and analyze how you gained it. BLOOP!

Dating has been and always will be a challenge no matter what technology comes along or if it disappears with time. Your experiences cannot be promised if you keep a negative mindset about things. Well, remember what you think is what usually becomes of you.

FIN!


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Dear Black Gay Men

How To Know When He Doesn’t Like You That He Only Likes The D*ck

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I’m going, to be honest, and get straight to the point. I know this may come off as blunt, but I have to be REAL about the shit.

He didn’t like you.

He was never planning on liking you.

He only used you for the dick.

Yes, I said it and vice versa for you bottoms of the sea! 

I can’t lie and say I don’t see many of you getting used because I do. It’s so obvious and apparent, but for many of you, it’s hard to figure out. Shit, I’ve been in the same situation until I had to step outside of it and see the truth.

It’s never easy to come to terms with being used for sex. A lot of gay men are skilled at this shit. It baffles me when people don’t know when somebody is running game on them.

I created a list since so many of my loyal readers love these type of articles. Hints and clues that most of you probably have noticed but ignored or tried to overlook for other reasons.

Don’t take offense by anything on this list. This is from my point of view only.

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