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Dear Black Gay Men

The Man Of My Dreams Is Another Man’s Sexual Fantasy On Social Media



This is low critical messy and in a way messiness always finds its way to me. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share this story or not. I guess since these stories are honestly highly requested, I think I’ll spill the tea.


I was very embarrassed about this situation for a long time. Some people I’m cool with don’t even know about this at all. It happened over a year ago. Somehow, I thought about it earlier, and I guess I’ll tell the story.


I met a guy on Jack’d a year ago… I KNOW JACK’D IS THE DEVIL! Shit, I don’t fuck with Grindr. BGCLIVE populated with hackers, trolls, and bums. Ugh, that site has completely fallen off. Anyway, I met this guy on Jack’d and at first, I was looking at his pictures sideways and not in a shady way. I knew I had seen his face somewhere, but I couldn’t pinpoint it. Whether if I had seen him in real life or somewhere on cyberland.

Keep on reading the story just getting started.


I kept looking at his pictures. I couldn’t figure out where I’ve seen his face before. I’m good with faces; I can recognize guys I’ve blocked, slid in their dms, sexted, fucked, etc… I know a face before I can even remember a name. So I thought nothing of it.

We started talking and having general conversations. He kept trying to get me to come chill with him and all this extra shit. I wasn’t interested. I barely meet up with guys right away off-line anyway. One thing about me, you will have to wait a good ass minute before we meet face to face. That’s if we meet face to face at all. This has saved me time and probably many unnecessary problems. I don’t jump up and meet randoms on the internet, and I wouldn’t advise you to do that either! TAKE MY WORD ON IT!

The conversation was excellent, and I noticed he was very SEXUAL. I usually avoid the sexual lusting type of guys. I’m not into the phone sex and all of that. He wanted to do all this sort of shit on the first day of talking. I should’ve seen a clue right there, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t going to allow him to talk me into anything; I wasn’t willing to do. So I entertained the sexting for a while until it got old. I get bored quickly, especially with the sex talk. I mean we can sext but after a certain point, you either going to talk a good game or be ready to play. All talk doesn’t keep my interest. I need that freak action if you’re going to brag about yo skills.

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He kept asking me about recording videos and how I would feel if we made some videos. I was thrown back because he was STRAIGHT UP SERIOUS about the homemade porn flicks. He was telling me all types of shit about filming these freak videos, and I told him nah I’m good. I’m not about to have my shit exposed online. No matter how good my skills are bruh. I’m not thirsty for no retweets or likes no shade just not my shit.

So I slowed down on fucking with him at this point. I had realized he’s only focused on sex. So I wasn’t texting him as much. I was kind of over it. At the same time, h was fine as fuck, straight up SEXY. I can’t lie he was FIONEEEE. I couldn’t just let him disappear on me. Even though, I didn’t want sex right away. I didn’t want to cock-block myself in-case if I needed some cuddy loving in the future.

So I would talk to him from time to time small talk. I kept my distance as far as entertaining his requests for me to come over. I wasn’t doing that, no matter how many times begged me. I wasn’t going to do that to myself. Can’t take that PUBLIC L!


My body was telling me something different. Fuck yeah, I wanted him. I was trying to practice my celibacy. I had broken it the summer before with another guy. I was not going to mess up again at least that’s what I promised myself. UGH, I am always so damn indecisive.


Now one thing about me is the fact that I have no issue speaking about my celibacy. While on my celibacy journey, I do practice self-pleasure. I preferably like to handle my own instead of going out here and catch these bugs or fleas. I can’t be catching bed beds from these sex demons, which is why I don’t do casual sex often. Yes, I do masturbate. I’m not big on the whole Tumblr freak pages. My primary source of pornographic content is mostly on Myvidster. I came across a page on Twitter recently, which turned out to be a freak page and the page linked back to a Tumblr page. You all be seeing those damn videos up and down Y’all timelines as well. I liked what I saw, and decided to visit the profile.

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My biggest regret. I should have never clicked on that damn page!

When I came across the Tumblr page, I became ADDICTED! I mean, myvidster is cool, but TUMBLR is where all the freaks appear to be. I didn’t know I could find all those freaks.


Let’s say I had a GOOD TIME. I started downloading videos, going on mad pages finding more content. I had a FIELD DAY on Tumblr. Now I knew about Tumblr videos because I had a few porn blogs years ago. I have been doing this blogging shit for years, darling, bihh I’m legendary in my Kelly Mizrahi voice. These pages were new with more content then I have ever seen on Tumblr. Back then you could only upload shorter length videos it was a dud even to find good shit pre-2014.

 I couldn’t believe all these guys had these homemade videos. XTUBE WHO???


I was beyond satisfied. I had enough content to last me 100 rounds for the next few years. Then, I came across one video. I clicked on it to preview it by deciding whether or not if I wanted to save it or pass it up. Then I saw HIM taking raw dicks…


He was taking dicks like he was competing in the damn Olympics. This man was getting rode so hard back to back, I doubt his walls were going to be functional after the damn fuck session.


The video was only two minutes and 30 seconds long. He was getting fucked by a gang of men. I couldn’t believe it. This guy just asked me to come over. He wanted to fuck, and now I find this bullshit on TUMBLR. Sigh.

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I couldn’t believe I was watching this guy getting busted wide open on some damn dirty ass mattress. NO, we were not dating, so he had no obligations to me in any way. I wasn’t tripping because I caught my boyfriend getting dicked down like a dog with rabies online before. I was tripping because he was somebody I considered as cute. I know, I wasn’t going to marry this man or fall in love with him. The idea that I could have given him my body exchanged body fluids and possibly of also catching something is what had me tripping.


The damn fool even allowed them to ejeculate inside his ass, and I think I spotted drips of blood a few times. 

I clicked on the link in the post, and it took me to his actual Tumblr page. This man had over 100 some videos of unprotected sex.

NO SHADE TO THE RAW DOGS! It’s not for me boo.


This man has THOUSANDS of men lusting after him. I mean, these guys want a piece of this man, 1k or more likes on every damn post.

I know it couldn’t be me. I’m so glad I didn’t go through with that shit. Those videos had me ready to regurgitate. I couldn’t erase those videos out of my mind.

Ever since that situation, I make sure I do some investigating on guys before even exchanging numbers. He was sexy, and I thought he was fine as fuck. Thankfully, I didn’t follow through with his plan. I’m assuming he had plans to make me the next guy in one of his videos. It looked like most of those videos were filmed while the phone appeared hidden in the corner. Thankfully the one video I saw, he probably got the other guys permission because he held the phone up. I didn’t see him the same way after that.

The funny thing is the fact that I see him all over the web now. He calls himself a “pornstar” now.





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Dear Black Gay Men

“Just Because I F*ck Guys Doesn’t Mean I’m Gay”



Khalil Wells sets the record straight and lets the gay community know that he’s not gay. Now a lot of you are side-eyeing him, but let me remind you of the reality of the community.

Some men do not describe, connect or even identify themselves as homosexual. It doesn’t matter how many dicks they may take or give to other men of the same sex. These men are no different from those who prefer women but enjoy sexual encounters with men on the side.


I get it, many of you may not understand sexuality, but it’s pretty diverse to the point that everything can be fluid without any actual attachment. There is no one set rule when it comes to SEX.

Some of you do know there is a difference between sexual identification and actual sex?

There are plenty of men who identify as heterosexual but may engage with other men.


There are plenty of men who identify as heterosexual but may engage with other men.

We need to stop forcing people into a box for one strict sexual orientation which they do not want to choose for themselves. They do not have to be FORCED to conform to your expectations when it comes to their sexual identity. 


You may call him gay all day long but if the man is saying he’s not gay leave it alone. Who am I or anybody else to force a title on somebody? That’s the problem! We are so quick to push these titles and labels on people who do not identify with that particular label or title.

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This goes hand in hand with sexual positioning. You may call me a fem bottom just because my mannerisms is one way doesn’t mean I identify as being feminine or a bottom. We want to diagnose people, but we fail to realize there’s no limit or set rule that indicates that one can’t explore their options. This man may have had sex for whatever reason with other men. Who am I to judge him and try to force him to identify with something that clearly doesn’t represent him.

We have the freedom to identify as whatever we choose to identify with. If I wanted to say I’m a masculine man and I may not appear masculine, then that’s my choice. If you decide to identify as a feminine gay man, but all the bottoms of the sea want you to be a top, then who they to tell you who to be is?

Stop placing people in these boxes and labeling them all sorts of shit. If a person tells you, no I do not identify with this particular lifestyle or sexuality, then allow them that right of choice. Pointing out how many bottoms of the sea he has smashed (vice versa) won’t change his mindset or mentality. Allow this man to express himself however way he identities and also connects with as a human being.

This also can be said for down low men who happen to swing from women to men. There are many down low guys who do not consider themselves “gay” but very much engage in homosexual practices and acts. The only difference is the fact that this guy is well known in the community and most of those DL men aren’t.

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Enough of this label shaming and trying to force people into these labeled sexual boxes. Some people enjoy the act but do not call themselves homosexual. Allow this man to be himself and express his RIGHTS as an individual. A lot of people are legit MAD about this guy clarifying and stating his sexuality.

Okay, so you saw some videos on Pornhub that’s cool. If you don’t know this man in real life, then you don’t know him period. How are you going to tell him how he should identify himself as being when he’s his own person.

I do not know this man, I’ve never heard of him, but I respect his right to identify as straight or bicurious in whatever way he chooses to define his sexuality.




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Dear Black Gay Men

“Dating In The Black Gay Community Doesn’t Exist Anymore!”



Last night, I was having a pretty interesting conversation with a guy from one of my FB groups. We ended up chatting after I left an open-ended question on the page. He responded, and we decided to chat more privately on messenger.

My question in the group was based on other guys experience with dating in the black gay community back in 2008 vs. today, in 2018. As many of you know, there has been a significant change in the dating department for ALL OF US. With new technology and apps dating and discovering ways to date has changed. Some people would argue with the fact that some of these changes have affected a good amount of black gay men.

I would say, everybody’s opinion on this topic is different. I may feel like dating in 2018 is different from 2008, but you may not agree for whatever reason. I think age groups have similarities being that I’m not going to be able to connect to an 18-year-old at 28 about online dating back in 2008 because there’s an age gap. He’s not going to have the same experiences as me when it comes to dating in 2018 vs. 2008. GET MY POINT? 

I will say last night speaking with one of my peers, and I was able to hear from his perspective how his dating life has changed over this the last decade was pretty interesting, to say the least. 

He’s 30 years old, successful brutha with his own businesses and he resides in D.C. He’s been single for over five years now because he doesn’t feel like there’s much of a dating culture anymore in the black gay community.

While I agree with him, I also had to disagree with his opinions on dating apps.

His views were entirely against dating apps and he even claimed that the last app he used was BGCLIVE which is ancient shit (no shade but shade.) 

So with his lack of experience with new dating techniques (online mobile apps), he has closed off a huge possibility of meeting his potential mate since the majority of gay men are accessible online. I’m guessing he still goes to gay clubs to meet guys or bathhouses. NO SHADE. 

He feels like Jack’d, Grindr, POF, Tinder are all complete waste of time and he doesn’t have much time to entertain those type of apps. IN HIS WORDS NOT MINE! 

I am a user of a majority of those apps. I think my experience with dating has also been complicated, but I do feel like they may work for other people.

I don’t think the dating culture within the black gay community is gone. I think the way we date has changed and maybe for some, it hasn’t changed for the better. I speak about these things because I am in the community and I ENGAGE with the community on these issues. A lot of black gay men feel like there’s no point in dating and the only purpose of those apps is only for sex. I get it, and I understand why so many of my peers think this way.

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For younger gay men in their youth, they tend not to see it that way because they’re now coming of age. Back in 2008, many of us (for those who are in my age group) may feel the same way about the BGCLIVE and ADAM4ADAM during that time period. We didn’t have this MAJOR development when it came to Jack’d (which came out around 2010) and all of these newer apps. I think the speed of things makes a lot of people feel unsure of the possibility of having a successful relationship anymore.

Right now everything is microwavable and quick including love, sex, relationships, and fallouts. Everything seems to be forced or often not enough to fulfill the need of those who are seeking MORE than just one thing or another involving dating or relationships. Often we find that most guys are not willing to commit compared to previous years of dating. I would say that’s mainly since sex is more available now than it was in the past.

You can find you a quick piece of ass today online much quicker than you would have been able to find ten years ago. Yeah BGCLIVE was pretty quick, but that required more hoops to jump through. That application wasn’t mobile, so you weren’t able to meet somebody in the same proximity as you can today outside of the comfort of your home.

Could you imagine us trying to text as quickly and effortlessly back in 2008 as we do now on these dating apps today? (LMAO)

I agree with him on the aspect that dating is NOT THE SAME. There is no real standard way of dating today. Most people do not go out to dinner, a movie and maybe a walk in the park. You’re not going to meet guys that are offering to take you out today compared to years ago. I don’t recall ever having a guy offer to take me out on a traditional date. For me, I have never been offered too many dating Opportunites that did not involve sex, his place or even a quick exchange of meaningless texts. His experience may be different because he resides in a separate area. Your experience may be similar to mine or his depending on your own experiences as well. I don’t think we all can agree or disagree when it comes to dating as black gay men.

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I have met plenty of gay men who reside in California who claims to have a fantastic dating life, and they meet guys for dinner, lunch, coffee all the time. While I’ve met some guys here on my coast in NYC or PHILLY, who have never experienced that courtship and wouldn’t be able to tell you what it feels like to experience it.

So due to that, I wouldn’t be able to agree with him on the fact that it doesn’t exist because it does, for some, it may be amazing, and for others, it might be more complicated and rare.

We can’t say dating doesn’t exist because for everybody their dating experiences are different.

Can we say that dating has changed the culture of the black gay community, yes, without a doubt!

Can we say that dating has been altered in a good or negative way? of course, it has been altered.

One thing, I wouldn’t be able to say about it is the fact that it’s nonexistent because it very well does exist, but with all things so does life has its changes. Nothing was ever meant to stay the same and that includes the way we go about dating and finding potential love.

I think his experiences may have been rough to the point that he no longer cares to try anymore. The hardest thing about dating is actually giving up and not continuing to try. The way he spoke about finding love, he comes off as somebody who desires to share that space with another person. I understand his struggle with trying to find the right person, but I don’t think that should stop him.

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We all have been through the fire and back while trying to date. I think dating is a beautiful experience in our community. We need more examples of positive outcomes of black gay couples and more. If we can get rid of the stigma that dating does not exist in the community, we will have a better outcome with dating as a community.

Stop focusing on what you think and get out there and experience it for yourself.

Listening to thousands of black gay men complain about dating won’t change your dating experience. The only way you can fail if you don’t attempt to try to succeed at it.

The best choice is to trust yourself when making the right decisions in the type of men you choose to get to know. There’s no rule book to dating and no predictions of the actual outcome of your dating experience. Stop listening to what people say based off of their own experiences about shit in life. What’s for them is for them and what they lack to have or find doesn’t affect your possibilities at all.

You have to TRY before you can say you failed at it. Fear is what keeps us from achieving some of our most significant opportunities in life. Meeting that man could be easy for you or it may be a struggle. Nothing comes easy, and if it does, then you need to sit back and analyze how you gained it. BLOOP!

Dating has been and always will be a challenge no matter what technology comes along or if it disappears with time. Your experiences cannot be promised if you keep a negative mindset about things. Well, remember what you think is what usually becomes of you.




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Dear Black Gay Men

How To Know When He Doesn’t Like You That He Only Likes The D*ck



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I’m going, to be honest, and get straight to the point. I know this may come off as blunt, but I have to be REAL about the shit.

He didn’t like you.

He was never planning on liking you.

He only used you for the dick.

Yes, I said it and vice versa for you bottoms of the sea! 

I can’t lie and say I don’t see many of you getting used because I do. It’s so obvious and apparent, but for many of you, it’s hard to figure out. Shit, I’ve been in the same situation until I had to step outside of it and see the truth.

It’s never easy to come to terms with being used for sex. A lot of gay men are skilled at this shit. It baffles me when people don’t know when somebody is running game on them.

I created a list since so many of my loyal readers love these type of articles. Hints and clues that most of you probably have noticed but ignored or tried to overlook for other reasons.

Don’t take offense by anything on this list. This is from my point of view only.

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