I came across a tweet by @trinioverdose on twitter speaking about how he wanted a long-term relationship. So I responded and gave him my little ole advice on how to find “that guy.”
Moments later he tweeted me back, “Hopefully the person can love me for me, you know.”😒😒😒
Which I replied:
“Yeah, but he may love you in his own way. You gotta open your mind to other ways of accepting and embracing love. 😌😌😌🙃”
It didn’t dawn on me until after I read my tweet and re-evaluated my own dating experiences and my message became clear for me. Looking back on a lot of my relationships, I didn’t understand why everybody did not love or receive love in the same way I did. So when a man wasn’t verbally displaying affection or if a man wasn’t emotionally connecting, I would withdraw from the relationship. Don’t judge me! [lol].
I had to learn that we all love differently and sometimes it takes more work for others to accept that. Nobody tells you how to love or how you should expect to feel loved by other people. Some people come and show you in the clearest way possible while other people may not be as available emotionally to do that.
I used to blame myself when any of my ex-lovers [years ago] couldn’t emotionally connect the way other men may have connected with me before them. I had only experienced a particular man before the guy I was just dating, and when I found him, it was so new. I didn’t understand that some people become emotionally detached while others are more emotionally invested. It was a blurred line for me with dating and how each guy may bring something different to the table. I guess when you’re so used to one type of man you don’t know how to act when you meet another one.
I think back to all those exes I walked away from because they weren’t like other guys I’ve dated. Now I realize how much I regret doing that because I missed out on a lot of good men. A lot of those men cared for me, but I wasn’t mature enough to embrace it. I wasn’t able to accept their ways of loving me the way I thought I had deserved to feel loved. It wasn’t clear enough for me back then and looking back now I regret letting them go.
It was a selfish way to deal with my relationships. I ran away fearing that it wasn’t strong enough for me thinking it wouldn’t last. I was with those men and feeling like I wasn’t enough for them, or they changed on me. All along I wasn’t mature enough to accept them and embrace their love for what it was at that point in my life. So all of this finally hit me when I spoke with trinioverdose on twitter.
Now that does not mean act and remain a fool. If a man doesn’t love you, then he doesn’t love you. You’ll be able to decipher the difference by his actions and his words. Read the signs if he’s not interested at all or just using you for his own agenda. If you can’t do that, then I would suggest that you communicate with him. Ask him what’s up with everything and why the distance? Looking back If I had that interaction with some of my exes they may have married me.
Looking back on my dating life back then, those were the best moments of my life at that point. I wouldn’t trade those moments in for this BS I deal with today with dating.
I had to learn that I couldn’t love people into who I want them to be but for who they were already. People are quick nowadays to give up and find somebody new in the next day or at the drop of a dime. There’s no more embracing your man and understanding how to love him through good and bad. You learn that everybody doesn’t love the same and some people need more time to express their love for you.