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Sex, Body And Femme Shaming In The Gay Community | Let’s Discuss!

JustBeingAnthony

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I’ve always been a supporter of all gays in the community. I got nothing but love for everybody and my views on my blog/vlogs are not judgmental or biased in any way.

I have to be honest and speak about the truth!

We do have those in the community who are discriminative towards certain groups and individuals. I’ve even seen a couple of black gay blogs that speak from a very anti-feminine standpoint and in more support of masculinity. That’s none of my business because that’s their prerogative. Do I read it? FUCK NO!

I don’t support anybody who is anti-anything within the community. It doesn’t matter if you support masculine men but bash feminine men or into fems but hate masculinity.

Discrimination within our community is predominantly by the hands of the community! The hate starts within the community and it only gives outsiders the support to follow suit.

When it comes to our sexuality, individuality, originality we’re often criticized, judged and condemned. Everything that we represent is used and then used against us. So I’ll never understand why anybody of the community would wanna bash or hate on anybody else in the same community.

You would think with all we’ve overcome as a community that people in the community would be more supportive of each other.

Fellas we have a lot more work to do to bring the community together. The division is still strong and until we overcome it none of us will be able to stand firmly together. 

I’ve had people ask me to speak about this before in the past. They read other black gay bloggers content and often feel less than, insulted, hurt. But at the same time, we can’t change people’s freedom of speech. Are they accurate? It’s their opinion we all have one.

While we wish certain individuals would produce positive uplifting content we can’t force people to do that. But I will make this post in support of those of you who feel hurt by what you’ve read from other gay bloggers.

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Sex, Body and Femme Shaming!

Let’s discuss this real quick.

Sex Shaming

Sex is natural. As men, we are naturally sexual and it shouldn’t be a thing to be ashamed of. Now your practice is a different situation cause safety is important. But I don’t see anything wrong with having sex.

A lot of gay men feel judged for their sexual liberation. Often they don’t feel comfortable sharing their sexual experiences with people cause of the stigma tied in with our sex lives. People assume especially other gay men that if you’re sexually active with a lot of people then automatically you got HIV or STI’s.

The problem is the fact that sex is used against us.

We’re criticized for having sex most of the time. You could be a whole ass Virgin and some gays will claim you lying.

Sex in our community is viewed as perversion so when gay men proudly take ownership of their sexuality they’re judged. The sad fact is that they’re judged by other gays harshly.

Being sexually active is not a bad thing. If you like sex and enjoy having it then do what makes you happy. Me personally, I think protection should always be used for your own good. But the choice of sexual partners and how many times you choose to engage in sex is up to you.

We need to stop allowing people to take something and turning it against us and then we use it against each other.

Body Shaming

When it comes to body shaming — we already know where most of the reads and shade are coming from.

I’m all for body positivity and loving the skin that you are in no matter what others think of it. You have to live in your human experience with your body.

If you don’t like it then work on it. You can improve your body by choice. But this is the issue I have with a lot of bears, chubs, thickums, etc.

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A lot of you allow these men to make you feel less than. And if a gay man is concerned or worried about your body than maybe he needs to be in the gym helping you lose weight.

Body shaming is very real in the gay community. I know some people think it’s not as serious as it is but trust me, it’s serious. A lot of gay men have discriminated against other gays because of their body type.

It’s one thing to have a preference but it’s a different story when it becomes bashing and bullying!

And if you’re somebody who’s overweight than losing weight for yourself!

Stop thinking you need to lose weight to please a man cause you never will be able to do that. Yeah, they’ll have nothing but love for you once you lose the weight. In some shady cases, some of these men are cruel to the point of reminding you of who you used to be.

Love yourself and don’t allow anybody to put you down for being fat.

Femme Shaming

Femme shaming has been known since day one.

There are a lot of anti-feminine gay men in the community. Claiming they don’t want a feminine gay man and if they wanted a woman they would get with a female.

The issue for a lot of these men who say shit like that is the fact they see something in you they can’t display themselves. Whether if it’s because he can’t be as flamboyant or fear the judgment of others for being their true selves.

I’ve met some feminine gay men who once upon a time used to shame other gay men for being feminine. While deep down inside they were low key wanting to be as open and boisterous as them.

They confessed to the fact that they too felt expressive but didn’t know how to be themselves or felt dimmed. So once they were able to find themselves they did and are now openly feminine.

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We have to look at the femme shaming from the perspective of the fact a lot of those men are struggling internally. If we’re gay and do the same things then it wouldn’t matter if one of us was feminine or masculine we’re one of the same.

We struggle with the same issues and encounter the same homophobia. There is not much difference between us. Even if you identify with masculinity over femininity you going to share some similarities with that feminine gay man.

You probably wondering well what can we do to make these changes?

The best thing we can do is continue to be ourselves and loving who we are as gay men in this community. Others may not like or understand you but that doesn’t mean you stop being you or living in your truth. As long as we have individuals in our community with internal issues, complications and battles we will always have discrimination with our gay brothers.

We can’t change people or their views and opinions. Even if you try to educate people they still going to think and feel how they choose regardless if it’s wrong or right.

Instead of fighting hate with hate we need to come back at them with compassion and love. Once again a lot of these men are reflecting on you what they internally feel about themselves. Now granted, if they skinny and calling you fat and ugly than it doesn’t mean they feel fat and ugly but they may have been bullied for other reasons. People tend to pick at things that they feel will hit the hardest.

One thing to remember and to know is the fact it’s never about you. What they feel only reflects on how they feel about themselves.

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Dear Gays | Dating Transmen

JustBeingAnthony

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Dear Gays | Would You Date A Trans Man?

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Tiq Milan is the first trans man of color I discovered and I was completely discombobulated because I couldn’t believe that he was born as female. He looked like an average man but just sexier than the average guy (LOL).

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https://justbeinganthony.com/trans-men-of-color-who-are-queer-and-proud-of-it/

After I did my research I found other trans men in my honest opinion way more attractive than most guys and I was shooketh!

I am attracted to the male physique so anything that looks, moves or acts like a man will attract me.

As I started to find myself intrigued by trans men, I started to ask around if other gay men were attracted to them as well.

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https://justbeinganthony.com/trans-man-of-color-and-proud-of-it-elijah-rose-speaks-about-dating-love-stealth-and-gay-men-of-trans-experience/

I think trans men are amazing and their journey is often not highlighted enough. I feel like a lot of trans men are often slept on because of the whole “biologically female” thing gets in the way.

Once again, I don’t focus on anything more than what I see and if I see a man, I’m attracted.

Now, this is when I speak on the trans women because I feel like when a straight man sees a trans woman he sees a woman. So if he’s attracted to women he will initially be zoned in and focused on her.

The dangers of that as we already know is the fact that her being trans defeats his fantasy. He feels some type of way and feel the need to lash out.

As a gay man when I see a man I’m either going to be attracted to that individual or not.

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I always wanted to date a trans man and I’ve had a few potential opportunities. But to be honest, if I could find a trans man that’s willing to start a family and give birth than I might settle down with him.

I’m open-minded and trans men are some of the coolest men around! They always show me, mad love, and I love calling them Papi and zaddy! Lol.

A beautiful trans man I found on Tumblr.

If you noticed I posted a poll for you guys to vote if you would or wouldn’t date a trans man.

Unfortunately, a lot of guys I’ve spoken with weren’t open to the idea of dating trans men. The good part of that is the fact that it means more choices for me! 😛 

Shoutout to all the trans men out there doing their thing and being unapologetically themselves.

And for those of you who love trans men too, keep supporting these gents!

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Gay Dating Deal Breakers | Gays Listen Up!

JustBeingAnthony

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Everybody has a set of deal breakers that they can tolerate or rather not deal with at all. The GAYS have a set of dealbreakers as well and I think ours are more STRICTER and sometimes superficial.

When it comes to deal-breakers I think it’s more so a personal preference of what you’re willing to overlook or even compromise. I find that a lot of us tolerate a lot just to say we got love and often we end up regretting that decision because it always comes back to bite us in the ass.

There’s nothing wrong with knowing what you will put up with and what you will not accept while entertaining a guy or getting into a new relationship.

I would say we deal with more than we should but that’s just my opinion. This is my list of deal-breakers that I have and I noticed other gays often complain about as well.

Manwhores (Dating/Sleeping With Everybody And Their Gay Ass Uncle)

I feel like guys who want to be available to all types of folks should remain single. Nobody wants to waste time getting to know a man if he’s with any and everybody else. It’s a big ass deal breaker for me to know that you still out here roaming random bedrooms. But then again, a lot of guys won’t share with you how many asses and dicks they jumped on within the last 24 hours.

Inconsistent Men’s

Nothing is worse than an inconsistent man. Somebody who comes and goes like the wind only to pop back up as if nothing is wrong. You could tell him time and time again about his inconsistency but somehow he’ll always slip back into his old ways no matter what. These men tend to more talk than show and they usually lack the ability to understand how their inconsistency affects you.

“Complicated Relationship Status” Low Key Taken

How many of you been in the company of a married man? Well not always, married but taken? They claim they single but the truth is they’re in a complicated relationship but still involved with somebody.

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It’s easy for these men to play games cause usually, they get away with the shit. These men always seem to wanna entertain us. The only way of finding out the truth is by them exposing it themselves. These men go to great extremes to hide a lot including their true relationship status.

Stank Dick / Funky Ass

A big deal-breaker is a funky-ass man who doesn’t clean his ass, balls, mouth or armpits. We have to make these men responsible for their lack of proper hygiene.

There are no excuses for a man to be walking around with a stench of funk coming from his ass or balls. It’s a serious issue and concern but a lot of these men seem to be careless about these things apparently.

Lack Of Sense OF Humor

Nothing ruins a potential relationship or dating situationship more than a boring-ass man. A guy with no sense of humor will always get the X.

Nobody wants to talk to and be around a damn boring ass man. I just recently told a guy (I was talking to) that I was completely bored on the phone with his boring ass. I immediately felt bad so I corrected myself but it slipped out and well let’s just say he’s not boring me anymore. BLOOP.

Low Sex Drive

I know this may seem very superficial and for some of you it kind of is, but I personally have a high sex drive and it’s a deal-breaker if you can’t keep up with my sexual needs.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t completely dismiss a person but there would have to be a serious discussion regarding our sexual needs and any conflictual factors between us.

Doesn’t Know How To Hold A Conversation

A man that can’t hold a conversation is a problem in my opinion. One of the biggest deal-breakers is dealing with a man that can’t hold or carry a conversation or depend on you to do it for him.

A relationship depends on communication and one of the main types of communication is opening your fucking mouth and allowing the words to come out.

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I can’t force somebody to talk and if I have to I don’t want any parts of you.

Glued To His Phone 24/7

A clear sign of BS is when a man is glued to his phone. If you’re in my presence and you focused on your phone we have a serious issue. I refuse to give any man my focus if he’s focused on everything else but me.

It seems like a lot of these guys are phone addicted and social media tends to be the issue for their cellular addiction.

No Inspirations OR Goals

Dating a guy with no goals or inspirations is usually pointless. A man with no ambitions can’t carry the relationship nor help its growth.

A relationship will require goals and change and if a person can’t even inspire to do big things then they have nothing to offer in the relationship.

Doesn’t Give Sloppy Toppy!

Head is a must for me and I wouldn’t take it any other way. A man who doesn’t give oral is like dating a guy who doesn’t kiss. For me, it’s a complete deal-breaker. Foreplay is needed or else it’s going to be a bland ass sexual encounter and boring ass sex life.

Liars AKA Lying King

Nothing is worse than trying to date a liar or a man that can’t tell the damn truth! Nothing tops this shit.

A liar is a snake and a snake will attack you when you least expect it.

Not Willing To Compromise

Everybody and their gay ass uncle know that relationships are filled with compromises.

A relationship wouldn’t be real if both partners didn’t give up something to earn something in return.

Abusive Behavior

Abuse is not tolerable in any relationship I don’t care if it’s romantic or a Platonic friendship.

Violence is not acceptable, whatsoever! If there’s ever a time when violence is warranted than end the relationship or learn how to keep your damn hands to yourself.

Homonormative Focused

If a man starts a relationship with me based on homonormative views than it’s not going to work for us.

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I feel like we should be equal in and outside of the bedroom. There’s no other way around it for me.

Not Out The Closet And Don’t Plan On Ever Coming Out

A deal-breaker for a lot of gays is dealing with a down low man who doesn’t plan on coming out of the closet. Not saying it’s cool to rush him out but at some point what are we doing?

We in this shit for the long haul or is this just temporary situationship?

Overly Masculine Addicted!

If a guy is focused on masculinity especially if it’s toxic masculinity it’s a problem.

Whether if he’s masculine or interested in masculine men, you should know if the other person is that or not from the jump. I don’t understand the point of pressing your views or desires on other people to become more masculine than they are or willing to be.

Asking For Nudes Within 10 Minutes Of Meeting Or Chatting

Don’t ask me for nudes when we just start talking it’s rude as fuck. I don’t care how intrigued you are or interested I will most definitely block you by the end of the night.

Asking Me For Money

Nothing turns me off more than a man who asks me for money. Idk maybe because I never had a man give me money or ask for it but it’s a deal-breaker.

What makes it even worse is the fact sometimes they only entertain you to get money out of you. Smh.

Claiming To Wanna Get To Know Me But Low Key Wanna Fuck Only

If your intentions were to fuck than make that be known. Nothing frustrates me more than knowing that a guy pretending to want something legitimate when he low key plotting just to fuck. Make your purpose be known and be honest about the shit.

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Dear Gays | What Happened To Monogamy?

JustBeingAnthony

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In the last year, I’ve come across quite a few guys who are interested in open relationships or already were in open relationships and seeking another partner.

I have nothing against guys who practice polygamy or polyamory. You can’t do anything but respect a person’s lifestyle choice.

For me, monogamy is the goal, which I’ve stated before in my previous post: https://justbeinganthony.com/my-quest-for-monogamy-that-is-slowly-opening-my-mind-to-the-idea-of-polyamory/

Fellas, do you guys believe in monogamy anymore?

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Sometimes I do toy around with the idea of experiencing something new.

I love the rawness of polyamory relationships.

For a person to be open and honest about their wants and needs while still serving commitment is hard to find.

A lot of you have been in a polyamory relationship and didn’t know about it and still not aware of the truth.

For a man to be outright honest about his desires is respectable.

I rather know what’s going on than to have him go behind my back and do his dirt.

At this point, I’m open to the idea but I also mentioned the fact it will take a long time before I rush into a polyamorous relationship.

It’s crazy how so many of us think we’re in monogamous relationships when in reality it’s damn near polyamorous.

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We assume our partners are faithful and doing right by us. The truth is that sometimes they aren’t doing right by us.

So where do we go wrong when it comes to having monogamous relationships?

Have any of us ever truly had a monogamous relationship?

It seems like no matter how hard so many of us try to have these perfect relationships it never seems to last long.

The idea of having a monogamous relationship to have a successful life-lasting love story. The goal would be to grow old with our partners and build memories. But those ideas of romance seem so far from reality nowadays.

We’re lucky enough to get a year span with a lot of these men. You’re extremely lucky if you get 6 months in with no issues or complications.

I still believe in love even if it takes other lifestyles to find it.

I understand people’s desire of wanting to experiment and try different stuff. There’s nothing wrong with polyamorous or monogamous relationships. Love is love and if a person honestly loves you it doesn’t matter in what form they show or deliver it.

It’s hard for a lot of us to find genuine love so I’m not anti polyamorous. I’m anti lies, deceit, and bullshit.

There’s a huge chance that a large percentage of gay men will be converting over into the polyamorous lifestyle in the coming years.

It seems like in the direction we’re going in with monogamy a lot of us will have to accept and embrace the reality of us conforming to new styles of relationships.

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But I believe a small select few guys will still appreciate having a monogamous relationship or not having any relationships at all.

That’s my opinion on this topic. I’m sure some of you agree or even disagree with me on it. Don’t say I didn’t predict this coming! Lol. Share with me how you guys feel about the lack of monogamy in the gay community.

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