No Fats, No Fems

Growing up and being able to embrace my femininity and my body size wasn’t hard until I came into the gay community.

I didn’t see anything wrong with being a little chubby and feminine.

Well, all of that changed once I became apart of the gay community and getting to know the gays.

I started to notice the discrimination and judgment from other gays immediately. 

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It wasn’t always directed at me cause I’ve seen it between other gays and the shade they threw at each other. 

That quickly showed me how a lot of gay men viewed feminine and bigger size men.

It was disheartening and completely disappointing.

Then I started to become the target of the whole “no fats, no fems.”

Guys would tell me I was too fat, too feminine. 

You already know the whole ordeal.

It was crazy cause you would think our community is this loving, glittery, colorful community.

When you become apart of it you quickly realize how divided it is.

Yes, we have pride, festivals, and events.

We have these amazing organizations.

We have the ballroom scene.

We have gay families.


But at the end of the day, we have some major issues and problems that are often ignored or overlooked.

16 | April | 2015 | MATTHEW'S ISLAND

For most gay men these things are common. So for them, there’s no point in changing anything.

And while no fats, no fems are based on one’s preference.

We don’t address the bullying and division.


But I want every single of you who may identify as feminine or classify as being plus size. 

You are beautiful skin deep.

And you don’t have to change a thing.

What makes us different is also what brings us closer together.

If we all were the same then this community would be dull and boring.


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If it wasn’t for the fats and fems on the front lines for our community we wouldn’t be as advanced as we are.

We wouldn’t be as visible.

Femininity, plus size, gays we have to continue to stand tall and united.


We can’t change the ignorance of others.

But we can recognize the greatness within each other.

 The truth is the gay community is shady.

It will always be shade within the community.

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But we have groups within the community that are stronger together. 

Cause everybody is not going to stand for us and all that we represent.

That goes for us black gays, feminine gays, masculine gays, ballroom gays.

Everybody is not going to understand you or want any parts of you. 

What we should focus on is those who do.

The gays who do embrace and love us for our femininity and body types.

People who will accept you.

Yes the hate from others like us hurts. 

But we can’t worry about shit like “no fats, no fems.”

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