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I Fell In Love With Him Not His HIV Status! | Would You Date A HIV Positive Man?

JustBeingAnthony

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Would you date an HIV positive man?

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I have fallen in love with a couple of men who were all HIV positive and I am not ashamed to say as an HIV negative man — that I would do it all over again.

I never allowed HIV to prevent me from getting closer to a man. If anything his status opened him up even more to me. I find that men who are open with their HIV status are often transparent and I love their honesty.

I always like to think of dating other gay men with the mentality that anyone could be HIV positive. I go into the situation with the mindset of the possibility of them being positive because you just never know.

I’ve known men who kept their status a secret for many reasons not knowing that I was not judgmental. Eventually, I gained their trust and they revealed their status to me.

Everybody isn’t open with their truth and sharing it due to the lack of education and often the reactions they get from other gay men regarding their status.

I remember a time when announcing your status was a risk and problem. A lot of men were against dating let alone having sex with HIV positive men. Years ago, BGClive was filled with health reads and messy exposure of men’s statuses.

While today men are more open to the idea of dating men with HIV — years ago it was definitely a different story!

I think today people have gotten educated on HIV and are more open to dating men with it. Sure, there are going to be some men who are reserved when it comes to HIV. I don’t condemn men who have their own reservations about it. Ones preference is their choice. I can’t say it’s wrong to be with the idea or against it.

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I always ask guys if they would be open to dating men with HIV and more often than not they agree that they would. For me that makes me happy because I’ve heard the negative stories from my exes regarding their dating experiences. I’ve heard the not so nice things some men have done and said to them.

People who often have hateful things to say about men with HIV only see it from one perspective. They assume those men were all promiscuous and playing Russian roulette. But I can tell you first hand not all men with HIV contracted the virus through promiscuous behavior.

Believe it or not, all of my exes who were positive contracted the virus through previous trusted partners. People who they trusted and were faithful to who ended up betraying their trust. So we have to get rid of that one and only argument about men who are positive due to their promiscuous activities.

I think once a person sees these men’s hearts and actually hear their stories they will see a much deeper side to them.

My HIV positive exes were some of my best lovers and friends. While people like to bash and condemn them, they always gifted me with a lesson for life. One of those lessons is to never judge a book by its cover.

See with HIV positive men we only see the headline title of the book: POSITIVE!

We don’t get to read the chapters to see their beginning and midway point. We just focus on the cover and the title not knowing this is a best seller.

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But when it comes to HIV negative men it doesn’t matter what you see on the cover. Something I’ve learned is that some of those books are lacking quality in many aspects.

Sometimes their headline titles don’t always match the chapters inside the book. The creativity may not be there nor the grammar quality on the pages. You may see a full novel but open the book and see many blank pages. So no, negative men are not any better than positive men.

And for all of you who focus on status let me just tell you this also… You may be against the idea of dating a positive man but until you know for sure that the negative ones are actually negative you need to open your hearts and minds.

See when you think he’s negative, he just might be negative. But what do you do if one day the guy you been with turns out to become positive? What you may think isn’t always what it really is…

Food for thought!

Before I end this post I want to tell all the HIV positive men, that we admire your strength and courage. It is not easy for somebody with a stigma placed on their back to open up to the world with their truth. Your status does not define you! You define your status. Being HIV positive does not make you who you are. You may be attached to your positive status, but that attachment does not define you!

Also to those of you who have been in relationships with HIV positive men! You have saved some of those men. I’ve known men who wanted to end it all because of what that title brings into one’s life. For you to be able to love somebody despite what many people feel about them says a lot about your character! You are a true soldier and you have helped redefine the way that stigma looks on these men. We have shown people that being HIV negative doesn’t mean we can’t love those who aren’t. That’s the power of embrace and true unconditional love!!

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We need the community to embrace our HIV positive brothers. These men are fighting a battle in which we would never be able to understand. Despite not being in their shoes but being able to walk beside them through their lowest points and beautiful ones.

I would definitely say having an open mind will benefit the community and those who are suffering from HIV. The more we support these men the better the outcome and results will be for them. Showing that serodiscordant gay couples are just as healthy as HIV-Negative couples is the first step! There’s a lot of work ahead but I believe we’re slowly but surely removing these stigmas about HIV positive men and dating.

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Dear Gay Sapiosexuals Come Forth

JustBeingAnthony

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Sapiosexual

A sapiosexual is someone that is sexually and mentally turned on by smart people. Sapiosexuals are aroused by intelligence.

I am 100 percent sapiosexual. This means you can’t get to my dick or ass until you fuck my mind first! Mmmkay?

I need a deep mental connection and stimulation for me to be aroused sexually. I have never been one for one night stands or flings. Yes, I’ve engaged in those activities but I am not a sexual seeker for random encounters.

Talking a good dick game and sharing nudes just not going to work for the majority of us.

Will human nature occur and create arousal? Of course its only natural. But sexually I won’t be engaged or stimulated enough to have my volcano erupt! 

For many of us, we want to get to know a man inside and out. Yes, the flesh is weak and once again we can be sexually aroused but nothing keeps that stimulation or focus longer than a deep mental connection.

I find that terminology such as sapiosexual is not widely known just yet. I think more people are now coming to terms with all of these different terms regarding demisexual, pansexual, omnisexual, autosexual, androgynosexual, graysexual, asexual and the list goes on.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting a meaningful conversation and a mental connection with a person. I think the biggest challenge for most of these men is the fact they don’t want to put in the work.

When you tell a guy you’re sapiosexual and he’s unsure exactly what that means and researches it. He immediately ghosts or become more distant because he realizes you won’t be as easy to conquer as the next guy.

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He feels intimidated because now he has to put in more work than he’s ever put in before with any guy. That’s demanding a lot for a lot of these men who are used to quick access to sex, love, etc.

Me personally I believe being sapiosexual has helped me in many ways. I like to explore a man’s mind deep. Nothing turns me on more than a man who is well diverse in his conversation and how he expresses himself during different topics. I don’t find myself sex-focused anymore like I used to be.

A man’s mind is the focus for me. More than anything else his mind gotta be on point to win me over before his body does. There’s so much power in not being powerless when it comes to controlling your sexual cravings or needs. When you are in full control nothing can alter your mind.

You won’t feel the way you usually would feel which leads most of us to sleeping with random people. In most cases the wrong people and then we left wondering why the fuck we fucked them.

Sex ain’t shit without a mental connection, fellas. You will feel empty after engaging in sex with a person you don’t feel any connection to at all. While some people may not feel this way the majority of us regret half of the people we once fucked.

Also, know it’s never too late to become sapiosexual. If you are tired of random bodies to your body count then make that change.

Some of you should be tired of going in and out of people’s clinics. Build a mental connection before you focus on sexual chemistry.

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Dear Gays | Microwavable Relationships | Lets Talk!

JustBeingAnthony

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The question of the day for many of you reading this article is why (A strong why!) do you guys feel gay relationships are so complicated?

I’m curious to find out why so many of our gay brothers struggle at building or maintaining relationships.

(Don’t be shy — you can leave a comment about this as well.)

Every time I go on Facebook or IG these gay couples are switching up and swooping new partners every other week or month.

Nothing seems stable and most of these couples fail to connect to each other outside of smoking and sex.

These microwaveable relationships are toxic.

These microwavable relationships will be the downfall of our future.

These microwaveable relationships are sky-high trending in our community.

Everything is so fast pace from the talking phase to the meeting to fucking to jumping in love prematurely.

A lot of these gay men (some of you reading this as well!) jump from one dick to the next in a short period of time.

Some of y’all be jumping from dick to dick just to get the last dick taste off your tongue.

I’ve seen some gays with a new boyfriend every two weeks. Some of you don’t even wash your sheets as often as you find a new man. No shade but shade, Pooh!

We have to stop getting in relationships that we are not willing to nurture or grow into over time. The issue is when we have to remember not to be so quick to throw in the towel at the slightest issue or problem that we may often come across in the relationship.

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But the biggest factor for all these microwavable relationships is due to many gays searching for the love that they lack within themselves.

Bang bang!!! Yeah, I went all the way the fuck in. If it hit you hard just now, you know it’s the truth too.

You running from one man to the next in hopes of finding love but you don’t see that YOU ARE the main factor in all of your relationship mess.

Instead of building strong relationships a lot of you treat dating as if you’re at a speed dating event. The only issue is y’all already supposedly established the relationship with the person and now you onto the next guy just as fast.

The same issues going to keep surfacing in every relationship you jump into overnight because you not taking time to get to know these men nor yourself.

I have been there and I’ve done it and I can confess to not being able to honestly love myself first.

You want to love everybody but your own self cause you will have to face your own insecurities or issues.

You think you’ve found somebody to take on those challenges but you only end up meeting yourself in that other person.

You think they going to love you for you and love you through your pain. They don’t because just like you they don’t often know how to love themselves either.

So we have a lot of guys chasing love from everybody else but themselves first and foremost. Some of these men struggle with identity issues, abandonment, trauma and more from their childhood oftentimes relating to their sexuality.

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So how do you expect hurt people not to hurt you too?

How do you expect hurt people who don’t love themselves or know themselves enough to love and genuinely get to know you?

The truth is they not going to be willing to fight for you as you should fight for yourself.

Most guys who run from relationship to relationship do not take a moment to stop and realize they running from all of their own problems.

The only result you will get is a cycle of dysfunctional microwavable relationships back to back. Just a new dick to conquer only to end up back single with a wet ass and nothing to show for it.

In order for a relationship to work, you need to work on yourself before building the relationship.

Guys, we need to stop pointing our fingers at every guy we deal with but also notice that we also have to focus on our involvement as well.

That’s not the case for everybody but even staying with a guy who ain’t shit is just as toxic.

If you with a man and you can’t tell him about shit or the obvious baggage he’s carried into your current relationship then give it up now.

Why would you stay in a bad relationship? What happened in your past relationship(s) for you to tolerate the current negative one?

Microwavable relationships do not benefit either party involved. If anything you both end up losing more than gaining by the end of the quick romance. It doesn’t last because most of the time neither of you has anything to bring to the table or to offer outside of the bedroom.

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Fin.

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Dear Gays | No Heteronormativity Allowed!

JustBeingAnthony

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Heteronormativity is the belief that heterosexuality, predicated on the gender binary, is the norm or default sexual orientation. It assumes that sexual and marital relations are most fitting between people of the opposite sex!

Listen, fellas, we are not straight people. Please do not subscribe to a position in a relationship based solely on heterosexual couples.

I like the balance. I believe tops, bottoms, versatile men can be submissive or dominant. You can be a masculine bottom with a feminine top. It doesn’t have to be the opposite all the time. A bottom should have just as much power in the relationship as the top.

Nobody has to take the lesser position to be satisfied in the relationship or to please their partner. As ridiculous as that meme of the top claiming his bottom will not pay rent. People actually subscribe to that bullshit.

The Heteronormative narrative is overexposed, overrated and dysfunctional to our community. I see very few couples surviving off of heteronormative views.

I am all the roles in all aspects of a gay relationship. I don’t believe in forcing myself into one lane when it comes to relationships. I don’t wanna be forced to be submissive or dominant. I don’t wanna have somebody play zaddy or bottom bitch. I want to have a balance.

I believe the best relationships come from balance. Heterosexual couples who last the longest usually last due to balance. This isn’t the 1950s anymore. Women are not playing stay at home wives and mothers. That model of relationship has been broken a long time ago.

There’s enough opportunity in a relationship for both of us to strive and whatever our partner lacks at we should be able to pick up the slack. It’s about teamwork. It’s not based on being any particular roles in the relationship.

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The reason why I feel like the whole Heteronormativity mentality in gay relationships fails is that I feel like as two men, our ego will become fragile and eventually clash.

I don’t care how much a man wants a dominant controlling man who runs everything. Eventually, he’ll want to take his power back. At some point in time, he’ll rebel or feel as though his voice isn’t being heard in a relationship.

I don’t care how much he wants to play wifey or that bottom submissive role. It’s only a certain amount of time before he’ll feel as if he’s not being respected or considered in the relationship.

Heteronormativity is toxic and only holding us back from forming our own understanding of what a gay relationship entitles. We have to create our own relationship model and build our own mind when it comes to dating and love as two men in a union together.

Our fairytale romance will never look like the straight romantic flicks in the movies and on television. No matter how close we come to it. It’s just different in many ways.

We need to discover how a real gay relationship supposed to look and then we’re able to succeed at building our own relationships outside of how straight couples engage in their own relationships.

Do not define your relationship by the heteronormative standards.

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