Hyper-masculinity is truly a closeted gay man’s mask.
The mask is something they can put on but are too afraid to remove and reveal their identity.
I don’t judge these men because we don’t always know the spectrum of reasons these men live this way. I think it’s safe to say their choices prevents them from living in their truth.
Most of us view down low men and the DL culture as a disgrace to the community. These men are not honest about who they are and what they stand for but do we judge them or the root of the problem?
Is it okay for a man to lie and deceive his wife, girlfriend, significant other? No! It’s never okay for a person to be dishonest when it comes to their relationships. Don’t poop where you eat! This expression is truly the golden rule. You can’t be in a committed relationship if you not willing to commit to that one and only person.
If you hide behind your hyper-masculinity and you don’t have a partner, then do as you please. The problem for me like many others is seeing Black women in these bad predicaments and often their health is on the line.
Living a double life is truly like living a lie. You can’t please yourself and expect for your pleasures not to be exposed.
The truth of the matter is that some of these men are struggling with their identity. They sometimes living a double life because they don’t know how to separate their desires from their responsibilities. You want to have your cake and eat it too. The sad reality behind this mentality is the fact most of these men end up with their faces covered in icing and a complete mess.
When these men end up exposed they end up losing everything and sometimes their damn minds. For me, I would never expose somebody’s secret, habit or anything which they withhold to themselves. I don’t feel like it’s my place to snatch off a man’s mask of hyper-masculinity to prove a point. It solves nothing!
The issue I have with gay men who do this is the fact you’re not fixing the problem. Exposing a man in the closet will not clean out his closet and dirt laundry. You are destroying his livelihood and possibly your own.
We have to remember the dangers of putting somebody else’s business out there in these streets. If a man isn’t living right, you can either continue messing with him or let him go find somebody else. You do not have the RIGHT to expose somebody else’s lifestyle or choices. What somebody does is their free will. Does it make it right? No, it doesn’t but two wrongs don’t either.
We need our DL men to remove those chains of fear and in the coming years embrace their truth. You don’t have to reveal to the world who you are and what you love to do in the privacy of your home or behind closed doors. At least be man enough to protect those who do not know or are unaware of the choices you make in secret. Those are the innocent ones. They deserve answers. They deserve to know the truth!
If these men stop hiding behind their masks, then maybe this will help lower the HIV statistics within the Black community. Our Black sisters do not deserve it and neither do we, but in order for us to stop allowing these infections to occur we have to step up. Exposing these men will not stop them. If anything, it’s promoting the behavior of hiding and living a double life. We have to once again, get to the ROOT of the problem.
We already know why most of these men feel the need to hide their truth and sexuality. We already know, so I don’t feel like I need to address the obvious reasons for it.
While we can point the fingers at the community for wanting to keep these men on the hush-hush. We have to take responsibility for our actions as well for playing a part in the situation of bashing and cooperating with them.
We may not understand why a person be in-denial about their sexuality or live a double life but we have to stop judging these men. The more we judge them the more masks these men are disguising themselves behind. For us to strip down these protected shields we have to embrace them. With change will bring forth a deeper understanding. Stop viewing their lifestyles from one way of thinking or lack of understanding and open your mind to the broader picture.
Down low men are no better or worse than the average gay man. These men may make poor choices but they also have testimonies as well. Some things we can relate on and others we simply won’t understand.
Regardless of our similarities or differences we all play a part in the LGBTQ+ community.