S*x addiction is RAPID all year around, within the Black Gay community. We are one of the highest diagnosed groups for HIV and STDs across the country and in various of other places (along with Black women!)
So many of us know somebody who was infected with HIV or will be infected by the virus before the new year comes. So we all need this conversation! We need to express our concerns for our brotherhood and for those outside of the LGBTQ community are at risk and also has the potential of becoming infected themselves.
I reached out to @TheeSupaman who is a Supermodel, Host, YouTube Personality, Actor and Gay Socialite and Social Media Influencer. I asked him if he would like to speak on this subject after reviewing an episode from his incredible podcast series “Here For It.” He, along with his amazing Co-host @RonaldMatters spoke about “Raw Is Law” which is a popular thing within the community.
You can check out that article and the podcast episode down below!
We all know somebody who dibbles and dabbles with raw s*x and being open to engaging in s*x with no restrictions or limitations of their preference for pleasure. I’m all for PrEP and if I would endorse unprotected s*x, I would advise people to at least get on PrEP and protect themselves that way. Some of you may disagree with pre-exposure prophylaxis, but it’s always a much safer alternative than not being protected at all.
While I don’t knock or discriminate against anybody’s personal preferences and decisions, I like to speak on the risks and the potential problems that may arise from the decision of not protecting yourself whether using PreP or condoms.
Unprotected s*x is the natural form of s*x (we know this already), but unfortunately, safe s*x is more secure of protecting not only yourself but your s****l partners. Raw s*x is sought after within our community, and it’s practiced a lot more than many of you could ever imagine. Nothing shocks me anymore with s*x and the fact that people sometimes do not take precautions when engaging with random s****l partners.
I’ve known people with HIV, and I’ve also dated guys who were infected with the virus. I want to make this known you many of you reading this right now have either dated a person or had an interest in a person who is HIV positive.
I don’t care what you think, feel, assume about their status. Some of us have flirted with guys who are positive and sometimes they don’t even know it. People don’t get tested as they should, and often they wait until the signs are there to go in for a check-up and testing.
People can put up any status under their profiles, but the only way is by getting TESTED with them. I will repeat it, more than likely many of you reading this article has dated, engaged in s****l activity (hopefully while using protection) with an HIV positive guy. I’ve had guys tell me that often they won’t disclose their status and they are HIV positive. They still engage in s****l activities (most claimed they used protection only), but you never know. So it’s essential we understand that HIV affects ALL OF US. None of us excluded from coming in contact with the human immunodeficiency virus. It doesn’t matter how clean a man may look, and you need to protect yourself because looks can deceive especially with having unprotected s*x. What may look good just might not be good for you.
I hope you guys take something from this interview and also make it your business to get tested with your s****l partners. It doesn’t matter if you TRUST them or not. Protect yourself foremost! This should not be something you overlook or feel as if it’s beneath you! Spread the word. Check out our exclusive interview and make sure you follow this fine a*s brother on his social media (as listed down below). I appreciate him taking time out to do this interview because he really gave us some powerful answers. Everything he said should be taken into consideration for many of you who may feel you’re battling with a s****l addiction. It’s okay to get help, and it’s also perfectly fine to admit when you’re dealing with an internal battle. Don’t suffer in silence and seek help and also support from those you trust the most.
How important is this subject to you? Also, what are some of your thoughts on s*x addiction within the Gay community specifically the Black Gay community?
This subject is highly important to us. The gravity of s****l addiction in the Black Gay community looms ever-present. We attribute it to just casual “ho activity” when really it’s more about compulsion and imbalance. Do everything in moderation children!
Why do you think s*x addiction is an epidemic in the Black Gay community or Gay community period?
This topic is multi-faceted, to say the least. We think it generally stems from the shrouds of conservative religion and the shackling of freedom of self-expression in the Black household that typically leads to an explosion once you’re freed from the grips of those institutions. Tell a teenager what not to do and watch them sneak and do it and like it even more. Then continue to tell that teenager they are going to hell for said offenses and they should be more of a “man” or “woman” and watch the results dive into an addiction. Causality.
Have you experienced or gone through a promiscuous stage in your life as you explored your sexuality?
Of course! I think most of us have. However, our definition of promiscuity may be different than others as it varies per person. Some may feel like 10 s****l partners in a year is A LOT. Others may think 10 in a month is manageable. Moderation children!
Do you think s****l promiscuity is acceptable for the youth in the Gay community?
Yes, definitely when done in moderation. How else should you learn besides hands-on, on-the-job training?! As Ms. Frizzle famously said, “Take chances, make mistakes, get messy”!
Why do you think specific locations are known for higher rates of STDs and HIV more than other areas in America?
Anywhere there are higher concentrations of people crammed into one place is a prime opportunity for higher STD and HIV rates to skyrocket. That’s just sheer numbers. Of course, there are rates of infection in New York City versus Blacksburg, Virginia. We also tend to be a little more liberal in metropolitan areas.
It’s a well-known fact that a lot of southern states deal with this crisis of dealing with a higher rate of STDs and HIV. Have you witnessed close friends deal with this crisis within your circle of friends and acquaintances?
Yes, both of us have witnessed friends cope and sucrumb to the ills of STD’s/STI’s and HIV. Ronald being from Memphis and me having lived in Texas, most of my adult life. We both have watched the miseducation of Black Gay youth lead them down the wrong path. A new day has dawn however with the rise and popularity of HereForIt Podcast, where the Black Gay youth can be both entertained and educated in vast swaths of perspectives.
What can we do to decrease the promiscuity and the s*x addictions within our community from your perspective?
We can decrease the stigma around promiscuity first and connect those with a true s*x addiction to care second. Identifying whether you are truly addicted to s*x is a major step, however. S*x addiction has been normalized and glamorized at the same time. If you are dependent on s*x so much that it effects or disrupts your normal life routine, then you should definitely be seeking counseling assistance. Recognize what your normal routine was before you questioned “Am I having too much s*x” and if the said routine was altered to fit in one more partner or more experience, then you may have gone a bit too far. Again, moderation children!
I believe a lot of these s*x addictions come from traumatic experiences and also undiagnosed and untreated mental health issues. Would you agree with me or do you think it’s just the indulgent of choice?
Definitely agreed that other mental health issues can compound and create conduits for people to act out their frustrations, regrets, fears, depressive and manic episodes. An indulgement of choice is us going to get butter pecan ice cream and watching too many RomCom’s.
Who do we blame the addict or the people who engage with them? I would say s*x addiction has clear signs, and sometimes I think people use it to their advantage.
Primarily the addict is to blame unless others are enabling them knowingly. Most people are unassuming and may not even know they are dealing with a s*x addict. If a top came to visit you for a round, but just came from a sleazy foursome prior to walking into your door, would you know it? Barring the nasty ones who wouldn’t shower between sessions, there’s probably no way you’d know.
With everything going at a rapid pace, what does this mean for the community shortly or in the next 20 years? Do you see it getting better or worse?
We’re optimistic about the rise in popularity of PreP and clinical trials for HIV cures. We recognize the gravity of other STI’s/STD’s but none have had the generational impact and scourge that HIV/AIDS has brought to our community. Outside of the current Trump administration, HIV remains our gravest existential threat, and every step we take to eradicating it is a leap in the right direction.
Do you believe s*x addition could be a controlled issue if people could identify that they have an actual problem?
Absolutely, as we previously mentioned, identifying it and determining if it has adversely impacted your life balance is paramount.
How would you go about telling people the signs of discovering that they may have a s****l addiction or how they can see it in partners or random men they meet up with for s*x?
Recognize what your normal routine was before you questioned “Am I having too much s*x” and if said routine was altered to fit in one more partner or more experience, then you may have gone a bit too far. Again, moderation children!
Why do you think in the medical field has a hard time controlling s*x addiction and why it’s not viewed as a potential danger to prevent this from occurring?
Well, the practice of medicine is just that, a practice. Mental Health has finally come more into the forefront of conversation in the world. It was nowhere near as popularly talked about 30 years ago. S****l Addiction can fall into the same flow as it gets more scrutiny and attention.
Lastly, what advice would you have for those who may read this interview and might deal with s****l addiction or know somebody who is suffering from it?
Make the choice to be better and to realize your true potential is in front of you and not behind you. Standing in the eye of the hurricane can be scary and lonely, but every storm passes. Be ready for the sunshine.