Sex addiction is RAPID all year around, within the Black Gay community. We are one of the highest diagnosed groups for HIV and STDs across the country and in various of other places (along with Black women!)
So many of us know somebody who was infected with HIV or will be infected by the virus before the new year comes. So we all need this conversation! We need to express our concerns for our brotherhood and for those outside of the LGBTQ community are at risk and also has the potential of becoming infected themselves.
I reached out to @TheeSupaman who is a Supermodel, Host, YouTube Personality, Actor and Gay Socialite and Social Media Influencer. I asked him if he would like to speak on this subject after reviewing an episode from his incredible podcast series “Here For It.” He, along with his amazing Co-host @RonaldMatters spoke about “Raw Is Law” which is a popular thing within the community.
You can check out that article and the podcast episode down below!
Condomless sex is becoming more popular in the community. Are you here for it? Plus, LGBT film ‘Rafiki’ now qualifies for Oscars submission. Get our t-shirts! hereforitshop.com/ Send us questions, comments, and business inquiries, to firstname.lastname@example.org We’re on Patreon!
We all know somebody who dibbles and dabbles with raw sex and being open to engaging in sex with no restrictions or limitations of their preference for pleasure. I’m all for PrEP and if I would endorse unprotected sex, I would advise people to at least get on PrEP and protect themselves that way. Some of you may disagree with pre-exposure prophylaxis, but it’s always a much safer alternative than not being protected at all.
While I don’t knock or discriminate against anybody’s personal preferences and decisions, I like to speak on the risks and the potential problems that may arise from the decision of not protecting yourself whether using PreP or condoms.
Unprotected sex is the natural form of sex (we know this already), but unfortunately, safe sex is more secure of protecting not only yourself but your sexual partners. Raw sex is sought after within our community, and it’s practiced a lot more than many of you could ever imagine. Nothing shocks me anymore with sex and the fact that people sometimes do not take precautions when engaging with random sexual partners.
I’ve known people with HIV, and I’ve also dated guys who were infected with the virus. I want to make this known you many of you reading this right now have either dated a person or had an interest in a person who is HIV positive.
I don’t care what you think, feel, assume about their status. Some of us have flirted with guys who are positive and sometimes they don’t even know it. People don’t get tested as they should, and often they wait until the signs are there to go in for a check-up and testing.
People can put up any status under their profiles, but the only way is by getting TESTED with them. I will repeat it, more than likely many of you reading this article has dated, engaged in sexual activity (hopefully while using protection) with an HIV positive guy. I’ve had guys tell me that often they won’t disclose their status and they are HIV positive. They still engage in sexual activities (most claimed they used protection only), but you never know. So it’s essential we understand that HIV affects ALL OF US. None of us excluded from coming in contact with the human immunodeficiency virus. It doesn’t matter how clean a man may look, and you need to protect yourself because looks can deceive especially with having unprotected sex. What may look good just might not be good for you.
I hope you guys take something from this interview and also make it your business to get tested with your sexual partners. It doesn’t matter if you TRUST them or not. Protect yourself foremost! This should not be something you overlook or feel as if it’s beneath you! Spread the word. Check out our exclusive interview and make sure you follow this fine ass brother on his social media (as listed down below). I appreciate him taking time out to do this interview because he really gave us some powerful answers. Everything he said should be taken into consideration for many of you who may feel you’re battling with a sexual addiction. It’s okay to get help, and it’s also perfectly fine to admit when you’re dealing with an internal battle. Don’t suffer in silence and seek help and also support from those you trust the most.
How important is this subject to you? Also, what are some of your thoughts on sex addiction within the Gay community specifically the Black Gay community?
This subject is highly important to us. The gravity of sexual addiction in the Black Gay community looms ever-present. We attribute it to just casual “ho activity” when really it’s more about compulsion and imbalance. Do everything in moderation children!
Why do you think sex addiction is an epidemic in the Black Gay community or Gay community period?
This topic is multi-faceted, to say the least. We think it generally stems from the shrouds of conservative religion and the shackling of freedom of self-expression in the Black household that typically leads to an explosion once you’re freed from the grips of those institutions. Tell a teenager what not to do and watch them sneak and do it and like it even more. Then continue to tell that teenager they are going to hell for said offenses and they should be more of a “man” or “woman” and watch the results dive into an addiction. Causality.
Have you experienced or gone through a promiscuous stage in your life as you explored your sexuality?
Of course! I think most of us have. However, our definition of promiscuity may be different than others as it varies per person. Some may feel like 10 sexual partners in a year is A LOT. Others may think 10 in a month is manageable. Moderation children!
Do you think sexual promiscuity is acceptable for the youth in the Gay community?
Yes, definitely when done in moderation. How else should you learn besides hands-on, on-the-job training?! As Ms. Frizzle famously said, “Take chances, make mistakes, get messy”!
Why do you think specific locations are known for higher rates of STDs and HIV more than other areas in America?
Anywhere there are higher concentrations of people crammed into one place is a prime opportunity for higher STD and HIV rates to skyrocket. That’s just sheer numbers. Of course, there are rates of infection in New York City versus Blacksburg, Virginia. We also tend to be a little more liberal in metropolitan areas.
It’s a well-known fact that a lot of southern states deal with this crisis of dealing with a higher rate of STDs and HIV. Have you witnessed close friends deal with this crisis within your circle of friends and acquaintances?
Yes, both of us have witnessed friends cope and succumb to the ills of STD’s/STI’s and HIV. Ronald being from Memphis and me having lived in Texas, most of my adult life. We both have watched the miseducation of Black Gay youth lead them down the wrong path. A new day has dawn however with the rise and popularity of HereForIt Podcast, where the Black Gay youth can be both entertained and educated in vast swaths of perspectives.
What can we do to decrease the promiscuity and the sex addictions within our community from your perspective?
We can decrease the stigma around promiscuity first and connect those with a true sex addiction to care second. Identifying whether you are truly addicted to sex is a major step, however. Sex addiction has been normalized and glamorized at the same time. If you are dependent on sex so much that it effects or disrupts your normal life routine, then you should definitely be seeking counseling assistance. Recognize what your normal routine was before you questioned “Am I having too much sex” and if the said routine was altered to fit in one more partner or more experience, then you may have gone a bit too far. Again, moderation children!
I believe a lot of these sex addictions come from traumatic experiences and also undiagnosed and untreated mental health issues. Would you agree with me or do you think it’s just the indulgent of choice?
Definitely agreed that other mental health issues can compound and create conduits for people to act out their frustrations, regrets, fears, depressive and manic episodes. An indulgement of choice is us going to get butter pecan ice cream and watching too many RomCom’s.
Who do we blame the addict or the people who engage with them? I would say sex addiction has clear signs, and sometimes I think people use it to their advantage.
Primarily the addict is to blame unless others are enabling them knowingly. Most people are unassuming and may not even know they are dealing with a sex addict. If a top came to visit you for a round, but just came from a sleazy foursome prior to walking into your door, would you know it? Barring the nasty ones who wouldn’t shower between sessions, there’s probably no way you’d know.
With everything going at a rapid pace, what does this mean for the community shortly or in the next 20 years? Do you see it getting better or worse?
We’re optimistic about the rise in popularity of PreP and clinical trials for HIV cures. We recognize the gravity of other STI’s/STD’s but none have had the generational impact and scourge that HIV/AIDS has brought to our community. Outside of the current Trump administration, HIV remains our gravest existential threat, and every step we take to eradicating it is a leap in the right direction.
Do you believe sex addition could be a controlled issue if people could identify that they have an actual problem?
Absolutely, as we previously mentioned, identifying it and determining if it has adversely impacted your life balance is paramount.
How would you go about telling people the signs of discovering that they may have a sexual addiction or how they can see it in partners or random men they meet up with for sex?
Recognize what your normal routine was before you questioned “Am I having too much sex” and if said routine was altered to fit in one more partner or more experience, then you may have gone a bit too far. Again, moderation children!
Why do you think in the medical field has a hard time controlling sex addiction and why it’s not viewed as a potential danger to prevent this from occurring?
Well, the practice of medicine is just that, a practice. Mental Health has finally come more into the forefront of conversation in the world. It was nowhere near as popularly talked about 30 years ago. Sexual Addiction can fall into the same flow as it gets more scrutiny and attention.
Lastly, what advice would you have for those who may read this interview and might deal with sexual addiction or know somebody who is suffering from it?
Make the choice to be better and to realize your true potential is in front of you and not behind you. Standing in the eye of the hurricane can be scary and lonely, but every storm passes. Be ready for the sunshine.
He’s Not Your Man! He’s Everybody’s Man Including Your Ex’s!
I can’t stand when people wanna flash and flaunt their relationships when everybody knows the guy ain’t shit.
I’m not talking about the real authentic couples, I’m speaking about the couples who always in some mess.
If you know every and anybody has been with your man, then that’s not your man.
I’m sorry to put it to you like that… unfortunately, too many people claiming ownership over men who ain’t even theirs half the time.
You can’t be on and off with somebody and expect to be the only one he’s laying with or seeing period.
I know it sounds raw, but that’s the truth.
Most couples who are breaking up only to make up just for you to end up getting played out is silly to me.
For me, if we on and off then we not solving anything by staying together.
And more than likely you dipping your dack in somebody else.
I have a hard time believing somebody in a on and off relationship ain’t sliding through somebody else’s bedroom or front door.
These Gays out here trying to hang on, keep around or shelter a man.
If he’s not happy then let him go.
You can’t sit around thinking that you get special treatment that millions of other Gays don’t get.
Forcing something that isn’t there becomes problematic no matter how you try to pretend that shit is fine, when we all know it’s not.
They going to continue to do you wrong while you try to relive a memory that is no longer here for you to relive. Some things are better left done then trying to redo and recreate.
You know he’s not faithful and everyone around you knows this, so why you still lying to yourself?
Why can’t you see that the man you got ain’t your man sus?
That man belongs to everybody! He’s not trying to be limited to just you.
Is what you should say to him every time he up in your face smiling and trying to sling that dack your way.
Some of these men fight and argue just so they can leave and do their dirt.
You still haven’t caught on yet, sus?
Some of you will stay with a man that ain’t good just to say you got a man. You’ll allow him to damn near do anything and everything foul to you, while you do nothing about it.
That mentality of having half of a man is toxic for many of you.
Instead of moving on and finding better you rather stay and “work it out” when there’s nothing left to work on.
Sometimes the work is done and over and you both still can’t walk away and move on. It’s all about growth and if a person isn’t growing with you, then you stuck with a dud.
Fellas: Do A Fact Check On These Men!
After my recent failed attempts with dating within the last year, I have started fact checking shit more than ever before…
WAIT ON IT…
We about to dive deep!
So let’s get deeper!
I mean, I’m the type to investigate that ass to the fullest!
I wanna know everything about you even the shit you don’t want me to know.
Too many guys out here are playing games especially online.
They will tell you any and everything and leave out the fact that none of it is factual.
Some shit these men say is pure bullshit and will have you questioning yourself.
Some of Y’all are quick to believe everything these men tell you.
I had a guy lie to me about his entire life!!!
I’ve had guys lie about their status to their past dating history.
I’ve had men lie about having a job only to find out they were street hustling and escorting for TINA and Molly…
What’s even worse is the fact I had an ex lie about having a baby on me!
I think another [ex] who lied about being in the hospital with food poison when he was really laid up in somebody else’s bed tops them all for me!
But a lie is a lie and a liar ain’t never ashamed to mislead anyone.
Some of these men (I take that back) most of these guys are professional liars.
They have been lying since day one!
They were conditioned to lie about their sexuality and even worse when it comes to their daily lives everything just filled with lies and fairytales.
To add to the list of lies: They lie about their sexual position, their intentions and even their dack size!
There’s no telling what’s about to come out of a man’s mouth when he speaks to you. Especially when he’s been a liar all his life, that’s all he knows.
Fact check is important!
I like investigating and doing my little investigation on these men.
I check social media accounts even going as far to check in with your mammy and ex!
You gotta get a full ass report on these men out here otherwise they will straight up use you dry and drain you out.
We can’t sit back and trust everything a man tells us especially not off no dating app. If you meeting guys online, take every and anything they say with a grain of salt!
Everything he says can’t be all true even the most honest guys keeping something from you.
Some may say actions speak louder than words but even in this day and age people can show you one thing but mean something else. You can believe you in a whole ass relationship and really find yourself being played!
Trust all things know while believing nothing you hear without the PROOF!
FACT CHECK HIS ASS! FELLAS!
Y’all Be Giving Off Bottom Teas But Will Top Em All Down!
Looks are deceiving so never get caught up on what looks a certain way because behind a closed door they may surprise you.
I love pretty boys who can give you that feminine energy while being able to buss down booty with no fucks to give.
Yeah, I said it. I like a “feminine” sexy guy who can put on that bottom look that so many of you criticize and he can slang the dack good.
Y’all be sleeping in the good dack because Ya’ll be chasing “masculine” or “straight-acting” ass men. Meanwhile, the ones who got the best dack be the queen’s Ya’ll always shading down!
For me, if it comes down to getting the dack, I want me a man who can handle the ass. I don’t care for a man I can just stare at and show off as a trophy.
Y’all really out here sleeping on some good ass wood. Trust me!
I remember like yesterday when I let my first “bottom” topped me!
Meanwhile Ya’ll with these tops who can’t even keep it up…
Whatever works for you but for me, I’m open minded and the more I explore my options the better my encounters get! Don’t believe me? Try something you’ve never tried and tell me it ain’t good after you experience it on more than one occasion.
I don’t care to hear about lesbian sex or you ain’t letting them climb your back. When a man got good dack, he got good dack! Get out of the looks department and peep out his stroke game!