The DL issue and problem in the black community run deeper than just some down-low men in the closet.
This problem is directly from the black community and our toxic views on hyper-masculinity and homosexuality.
The problem isn’t just about some down-low men in the closet. The bigger concern here is those who have forced these men into hiding.
We want to shun the men who are in the act.
But why ignore those who have pressured them into being ashamed of their truth?
Religion as well as the parents, relatives, the community who have helped raise these men, should be held accountable.
They have created the very monster they judge, hate, and overall wants to destroy.
Why do we pay no attention to the reality that these men are suffering and often left feeling broken?
These men aren’t afraid and masking their truths for no reason.
Look at the environment where they were raised and the households that molded them into the men they are today.
Being forced to conform and act a certain way just to be accepted.
When you’re constantly being forced to be what some would describe as a “STRONG BLACK MAN” and to know that showing any sort of emotion is a sign of weakness.
Acting less than overly masculine is immediately frowned upon.
How can we act like these men weren’t victims of their very own environment?
The deeper we go into this topic the more skeletons we get to pull out of the closet.
The down-low culture was created within the black community.
Being told not to be feminine, not to be gay, not to be a punk, not to be weak has imprinted an image of what a man is supposed to be for most men of color. Even if they do not follow the trends or the image that’s expected of them.
What the community should’ve done was to allow these men to find themselves, be themselves, and express who they are without judgment, an iron fist, or chastising them.
- A community where our people rather see these men be thugs instead of a bunch of homos.
- A community where they rather see black men in gangs and committing crimes than to be colorful and expressive.
- A community where men rather toss their sons to grown women to build them into MEN instead of allowing them to dance, sing, or do anything less than what he thinks makes a man a REAL man.
If you’re always told that what you feel inside is wrong then of course you’ll only grow up hating who you are inside.
This cycle only becomes repeated just from generation to generation.
Toxicity is DEEP within our community but nobody wants to speak on this shit!
Let’s slack up on these down-low men.
I don’t bash DL men like other gays do cause every man has a past and a story as to why he’s the way he is today.
Nobody suppresses themselves unless they were raised to be that way.
At the same time, I do not condone and endorse the bullshit.
The secret life and lies, innocent women who are hurt are a different story.
If anything once you’re grown you have the ability to continue the traditions of living in the closet.
Somethings, I just can’t accept from these closeted men.
But I can sympathize with them for the trauma and chaotic upbringing they had to often endure.
Even if they didn’t come from a rough household, there’s trauma from somewhere that’s making them deny or reject their true selves. Cause it’s not a learned trait it’s taught within our community to be one way.
Facts are facts and I’m speaking on it today!!!
We have to hold these men responsible for the lives that they are damaging, including their own.
Every single one of us who have a mother, sisters, auntees, cousins, nieces, grandmothers, stepsisters, a stepmother, etc. we don’t want these women of color to be affected by the hands of these men.
It’s important to still hold them accountable for their actions.
Because these are the women who are falling victim to these men’s double lives and secret affairs.
Even though some of these same women, unfortunately, promote the very issues that create more generations of confused, hurt, broken, lost boys who grow up to become damaged men.
Yes, the black community created the down low man and the culture these men follow faithfully.
Black women of color, we as black gay men collectively need y’all to understand that that as gay men we understand these men better than you do.
When your man has an attraction, desire, or need for another man. We understand why in ways you can’t fathom.
These men are out doing them and some are honest with it (which makes some of these women beards.)
On the other hand, some of these men are dishonest and that’s the main issue we have with them.
But you have to respect it, even though you may not understand why he’s bisexual or pansexual.
Whether he desires you as much as he desires other men.
You need to know that these men do exist.
They are your thugs, jailbirds, gym heads, macho bruthas, zaddies, baby daddies, side pieces.
You can never be too sure of your man’s sexuality until you know for fact it’s true.
A man can tell you he only loves women but he doesn’t reveal that slight desire he holds secretly for men at the same damn time.
Words may leave an impression but his actions will lead his behavior and choices in the open or in secret.
The good thing is SOME women are completely open-minded to dealing or being in a relationship with a bisexual or pansexual man.
There is still a huge portion of women of color who do not understand or like bisexuality let alone homosexuality.
They can have some of the most fab gay friends but when it comes to her man she ain’t down for the shit.
But let’s speak on beards for a moment.
A beard is a woman who’s a cover-up for a man and his hidden sexuality. Often they are aware, bisexual, or lesbian themselves so it’s beneficial for both parties.
These women are often married to men who are successful with a lot to lose. They know their role, position, and they stay in.
I can understand a couple who are open and actually work together to keep their business between the two of them.
His mama doesn’t have to know and the whole city isn’t in on his private affairs.
The only person who needs to know is the person he’s laying beside at night.
A lot of you reading this wondering what it will take for women of color to be open-minded to their man’s bisexuality?
Women already don’t trust their men most of the time.
Could you imagine them adding on the fact he’s also attracted to men as well?
Women have enough trouble competing with women so adding on men with a different tool in between their legs has to be traumatic.
But the truth is it’s better to be aware of their truth than to turn a blind eye and act shocked when you find out everything he’s been hiding from you.
It’s 2020 sexuality today is more fluid than it has ever been.
We see married men all the time mess with other men.
It’s a harsh reality but somebody has to embrace it.
I would rather women of color embrace the fact some of these men are bisexual than to continue to turn a blind eye to the facts.
Adapting to change is an important cause if they going to engage in sex with other men they going to do it anyway.
They will either accept it or make a choice to have nothing to do with them.
What we honestly need is for these bisexual men to come out and be honest.
If you’re attracted to men and women then express your truth.
2020 is the year to be open and candid.
If a person can’t understand it then it’s not meant for them to be apart of your life.
Unconditional love is important when it comes to bisexuality, homosexuality and any other sexual orientation included.
It all comes down to these men needing and deserving to be loved for who they are and what it is that connects to their true selves.
Love will bring a lot of these men out of the closet.
Not love that’s selective only when it benefits the woman he calls his girl, wife, side piece.
These men need the love that will benefit them for being openly bisexual, pansexual, or even homosexual.
Without that love, I don’t see these men coming out in droves any time soon.
And that will only continue the toxic cycle of DL men that the black community doesn’t want to take responsibility for helping to create but love to lash out at.
That’s it and that’s all I got to say about this.