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Dear Gays | How To Deal With Being Outed!

JustBeingAnthony

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A young follower of mine on twitter reached out to me for some advice. He’s been outed and he’s still in high school and doesn’t know what to do about it.

He’s not openly gay and never intended on coming out until after getting out of school.

Well, his plans were changed against his own will after his gay cousin caught him on one of the dating apps and outed him.

Word got around and let’s just say his parents were not happy about it.

His family isn’t overly religious but they aren’t embracing homosexuality at all.

He believes his cousin did this to be messy. They were in fact close prior to this whole outing ordeal. But his cousin ”felt” some type of way because he didn’t come out to him first.

Of course in the community, we deal with people outing us all the time. In some cases like his, we’re outed by other gays.

There’s a lot of chaos and confusion when it comes to outing people. It doesn’t just affect the person being outed but also those close to them.

We’ve seen situations that went from minor to extreme. Outing somebody can be extremely dangerous depending on their environment and those around them.

But the issue is a lot of gay men don’t know how to handle or deal with being outed. It’s not an easy situation to be put into.

I would definitely tell all of you reading this who may have been outed before that it’s never your fault. No matter how things turn out after being outed. Don’t blame yourself for it and don’t let it eat you up inside.

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I personally love to look at situations regardless of how bad they are and see the positive in all things. Yeah being outed is a horrible thing. But for some gay men, the fear of coming out alone is difficult.

In a way, if you struggled with the idea of coming out then being outed could be one less struggle to face.

Disclaimer: I am not condoning outing in any way!

What I’m stating is the fact that now that you’re been outed you can use it in your favor. This is the time to see who’s truly in your corner or totally against you.

You see people’s true colors including the person who outed you. The truth is no longer hidden but now is in plain sight.

Take this time not to reflect on just the negative aspect but the positive.

We have to take negative situations and see them from the perspective of what’s the bigger picture in all of this? How can we benefit from this negative situation and turn it around to work for us in a positive way?

You will definitely need to take the negative experience and turn it into a positive outcome for yourself.

The first concern and matter is your safety and security!

If you’re in a dangerous situation and you’re underage and been outed you can always contact a hotline for gay teens!

They will provide you shelter and help. These people have limitless resources for you and they waste no time making sure things happen.

If you’re over 18 then you need to leave that environment immediately if it’s not safe for you. I know we don’t think of the potential dangers in situations.

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Sometimes we have to weigh out the potential of anything that could cost us a lot including our safety. If you are threatened or even assaulted then it’s time to protect yourself and get away immediately.

Do not sit around waiting for people to change or come around cause that may not be the case for you. So it’s important that you always make sure you’re good regardless of what somebody may or may not do.

Remember being outed is not the end of the world it’s just a new beginning.

Don’t allow somebody to have power over the outcome of the situation. In some cases being outed may not be the worse scenario. It may bring you and others closer together.

Just don’t allow the situation to break you or put you in a bad space. Grow from the situation and turn it around to work in your favor.

That’s the most honest advice I could give anybody. Like I told him, the situation is out of your hands now. At this point, you can either become a victim or grow from it. That choice is up to you. I hope any of you reading this article right now (who have been outed or exposed as gay) that you came out stronger from the situation.

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Dear Gays | Dating Transmen

JustBeingAnthony

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Dear Gays | Would You Date A Trans Man?

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Tiq Milan is the first trans man of color I discovered and I was completely discombobulated because I couldn’t believe that he was born as female. He looked like an average man but just sexier than the average guy (LOL).

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https://justbeinganthony.com/trans-men-of-color-who-are-queer-and-proud-of-it/

After I did my research I found other trans men in my honest opinion way more attractive than most guys and I was shooketh!

I am attracted to the male physique so anything that looks, moves or acts like a man will attract me.

As I started to find myself intrigued by trans men, I started to ask around if other gay men were attracted to them as well.

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https://justbeinganthony.com/trans-man-of-color-and-proud-of-it-elijah-rose-speaks-about-dating-love-stealth-and-gay-men-of-trans-experience/

I think trans men are amazing and their journey is often not highlighted enough. I feel like a lot of trans men are often slept on because of the whole “biologically female” thing gets in the way.

Once again, I don’t focus on anything more than what I see and if I see a man, I’m attracted.

Now, this is when I speak on the trans women because I feel like when a straight man sees a trans woman he sees a woman. So if he’s attracted to women he will initially be zoned in and focused on her.

The dangers of that as we already know is the fact that her being trans defeats his fantasy. He feels some type of way and feel the need to lash out.

As a gay man when I see a man I’m either going to be attracted to that individual or not.

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I always wanted to date a trans man and I’ve had a few potential opportunities. But to be honest, if I could find a trans man that’s willing to start a family and give birth than I might settle down with him.

I’m open-minded and trans men are some of the coolest men around! They always show me, mad love, and I love calling them Papi and zaddy! Lol.

A beautiful trans man I found on Tumblr.

If you noticed I posted a poll for you guys to vote if you would or wouldn’t date a trans man.

Unfortunately, a lot of guys I’ve spoken with weren’t open to the idea of dating trans men. The good part of that is the fact that it means more choices for me! 😛 

Shoutout to all the trans men out there doing their thing and being unapologetically themselves.

And for those of you who love trans men too, keep supporting these gents!

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Gay Dating Deal Breakers | Gays Listen Up!

JustBeingAnthony

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Everybody has a set of deal breakers that they can tolerate or rather not deal with at all. The GAYS have a set of dealbreakers as well and I think ours are more STRICTER and sometimes superficial.

When it comes to deal-breakers I think it’s more so a personal preference of what you’re willing to overlook or even compromise. I find that a lot of us tolerate a lot just to say we got love and often we end up regretting that decision because it always comes back to bite us in the ass.

There’s nothing wrong with knowing what you will put up with and what you will not accept while entertaining a guy or getting into a new relationship.

I would say we deal with more than we should but that’s just my opinion. This is my list of deal-breakers that I have and I noticed other gays often complain about as well.

Manwhores (Dating/Sleeping With Everybody And Their Gay Ass Uncle)

I feel like guys who want to be available to all types of folks should remain single. Nobody wants to waste time getting to know a man if he’s with any and everybody else. It’s a big ass deal breaker for me to know that you still out here roaming random bedrooms. But then again, a lot of guys won’t share with you how many asses and dicks they jumped on within the last 24 hours.

Inconsistent Men’s

Nothing is worse than an inconsistent man. Somebody who comes and goes like the wind only to pop back up as if nothing is wrong. You could tell him time and time again about his inconsistency but somehow he’ll always slip back into his old ways no matter what. These men tend to more talk than show and they usually lack the ability to understand how their inconsistency affects you.

“Complicated Relationship Status” Low Key Taken

How many of you been in the company of a married man? Well not always, married but taken? They claim they single but the truth is they’re in a complicated relationship but still involved with somebody.

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It’s easy for these men to play games cause usually, they get away with the shit. These men always seem to wanna entertain us. The only way of finding out the truth is by them exposing it themselves. These men go to great extremes to hide a lot including their true relationship status.

Stank Dick / Funky Ass

A big deal-breaker is a funky-ass man who doesn’t clean his ass, balls, mouth or armpits. We have to make these men responsible for their lack of proper hygiene.

There are no excuses for a man to be walking around with a stench of funk coming from his ass or balls. It’s a serious issue and concern but a lot of these men seem to be careless about these things apparently.

Lack Of Sense OF Humor

Nothing ruins a potential relationship or dating situationship more than a boring-ass man. A guy with no sense of humor will always get the X.

Nobody wants to talk to and be around a damn boring ass man. I just recently told a guy (I was talking to) that I was completely bored on the phone with his boring ass. I immediately felt bad so I corrected myself but it slipped out and well let’s just say he’s not boring me anymore. BLOOP.

Low Sex Drive

I know this may seem very superficial and for some of you it kind of is, but I personally have a high sex drive and it’s a deal-breaker if you can’t keep up with my sexual needs.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t completely dismiss a person but there would have to be a serious discussion regarding our sexual needs and any conflictual factors between us.

Doesn’t Know How To Hold A Conversation

A man that can’t hold a conversation is a problem in my opinion. One of the biggest deal-breakers is dealing with a man that can’t hold or carry a conversation or depend on you to do it for him.

A relationship depends on communication and one of the main types of communication is opening your fucking mouth and allowing the words to come out.

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I can’t force somebody to talk and if I have to I don’t want any parts of you.

Glued To His Phone 24/7

A clear sign of BS is when a man is glued to his phone. If you’re in my presence and you focused on your phone we have a serious issue. I refuse to give any man my focus if he’s focused on everything else but me.

It seems like a lot of these guys are phone addicted and social media tends to be the issue for their cellular addiction.

No Inspirations OR Goals

Dating a guy with no goals or inspirations is usually pointless. A man with no ambitions can’t carry the relationship nor help its growth.

A relationship will require goals and change and if a person can’t even inspire to do big things then they have nothing to offer in the relationship.

Doesn’t Give Sloppy Toppy!

Head is a must for me and I wouldn’t take it any other way. A man who doesn’t give oral is like dating a guy who doesn’t kiss. For me, it’s a complete deal-breaker. Foreplay is needed or else it’s going to be a bland ass sexual encounter and boring ass sex life.

Liars AKA Lying King

Nothing is worse than trying to date a liar or a man that can’t tell the damn truth! Nothing tops this shit.

A liar is a snake and a snake will attack you when you least expect it.

Not Willing To Compromise

Everybody and their gay ass uncle know that relationships are filled with compromises.

A relationship wouldn’t be real if both partners didn’t give up something to earn something in return.

Abusive Behavior

Abuse is not tolerable in any relationship I don’t care if it’s romantic or a Platonic friendship.

Violence is not acceptable, whatsoever! If there’s ever a time when violence is warranted than end the relationship or learn how to keep your damn hands to yourself.

Homonormative Focused

If a man starts a relationship with me based on homonormative views than it’s not going to work for us.

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I feel like we should be equal in and outside of the bedroom. There’s no other way around it for me.

Not Out The Closet And Don’t Plan On Ever Coming Out

A deal-breaker for a lot of gays is dealing with a down low man who doesn’t plan on coming out of the closet. Not saying it’s cool to rush him out but at some point what are we doing?

We in this shit for the long haul or is this just temporary situationship?

Overly Masculine Addicted!

If a guy is focused on masculinity especially if it’s toxic masculinity it’s a problem.

Whether if he’s masculine or interested in masculine men, you should know if the other person is that or not from the jump. I don’t understand the point of pressing your views or desires on other people to become more masculine than they are or willing to be.

Asking For Nudes Within 10 Minutes Of Meeting Or Chatting

Don’t ask me for nudes when we just start talking it’s rude as fuck. I don’t care how intrigued you are or interested I will most definitely block you by the end of the night.

Asking Me For Money

Nothing turns me off more than a man who asks me for money. Idk maybe because I never had a man give me money or ask for it but it’s a deal-breaker.

What makes it even worse is the fact sometimes they only entertain you to get money out of you. Smh.

Claiming To Wanna Get To Know Me But Low Key Wanna Fuck Only

If your intentions were to fuck than make that be known. Nothing frustrates me more than knowing that a guy pretending to want something legitimate when he low key plotting just to fuck. Make your purpose be known and be honest about the shit.

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Dear Gays | What Happened To Monogamy?

JustBeingAnthony

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In the last year, I’ve come across quite a few guys who are interested in open relationships or already were in open relationships and seeking another partner.

I have nothing against guys who practice polygamy or polyamory. You can’t do anything but respect a person’s lifestyle choice.

For me, monogamy is the goal, which I’ve stated before in my previous post: https://justbeinganthony.com/my-quest-for-monogamy-that-is-slowly-opening-my-mind-to-the-idea-of-polyamory/

Fellas, do you guys believe in monogamy anymore?

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Sometimes I do toy around with the idea of experiencing something new.

I love the rawness of polyamory relationships.

For a person to be open and honest about their wants and needs while still serving commitment is hard to find.

A lot of you have been in a polyamory relationship and didn’t know about it and still not aware of the truth.

For a man to be outright honest about his desires is respectable.

I rather know what’s going on than to have him go behind my back and do his dirt.

At this point, I’m open to the idea but I also mentioned the fact it will take a long time before I rush into a polyamorous relationship.

It’s crazy how so many of us think we’re in monogamous relationships when in reality it’s damn near polyamorous.

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We assume our partners are faithful and doing right by us. The truth is that sometimes they aren’t doing right by us.

So where do we go wrong when it comes to having monogamous relationships?

Have any of us ever truly had a monogamous relationship?

It seems like no matter how hard so many of us try to have these perfect relationships it never seems to last long.

The idea of having a monogamous relationship to have a successful life-lasting love story. The goal would be to grow old with our partners and build memories. But those ideas of romance seem so far from reality nowadays.

We’re lucky enough to get a year span with a lot of these men. You’re extremely lucky if you get 6 months in with no issues or complications.

I still believe in love even if it takes other lifestyles to find it.

I understand people’s desire of wanting to experiment and try different stuff. There’s nothing wrong with polyamorous or monogamous relationships. Love is love and if a person honestly loves you it doesn’t matter in what form they show or deliver it.

It’s hard for a lot of us to find genuine love so I’m not anti polyamorous. I’m anti lies, deceit, and bullshit.

There’s a huge chance that a large percentage of gay men will be converting over into the polyamorous lifestyle in the coming years.

It seems like in the direction we’re going in with monogamy a lot of us will have to accept and embrace the reality of us conforming to new styles of relationships.

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But I believe a small select few guys will still appreciate having a monogamous relationship or not having any relationships at all.

That’s my opinion on this topic. I’m sure some of you agree or even disagree with me on it. Don’t say I didn’t predict this coming! Lol. Share with me how you guys feel about the lack of monogamy in the gay community.

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