[Sorry I got distracted by the gif I came across on GIPHY.]
A supporter reached out to me on Twitter.
He wanted to share his story after reading a post I wrote a while back about having a complicated relationship surrounding sex.
Our discussion is not a part of the main article. This article is more like a response article. He didn’t cheat, and he’s not unhappy in his relationship besides one small problem.
He doesn’t find his partner sexually compatible.
He wanted to get my advice on the situation and how I would deal with it if I had been in his shoes.
As far as the main topic of this article, I feel like people should just break up instead of cheating. I have always felt this way and I think a lot of you may agree with me.
Yes, we all have done our dirt but I think for a lot of you those experiences were lessons learned.
Gay men cheat and step out on their partners instead of just ending the relationship.
This is a MAJOR problem. This is a problem I have came across in my own relationships.
Looking back at some of those moments, I wish they had just broke up with me instead of causing me to find out or catch them being unfaithful.
It would hurt me more to know an ex didn’t love me and then to find out he has been cheating. I would want my boyfriend or husband to ask to end the relationship instead of doing me wrong.
Not HERE FOR IT!
Wasn’t HERE FOR IT!
Won’t EVER BE HERE FOR IT!
I’ve seen BGCLIVE profiles in the background on cams (years ago.)
I’ve seen text messages pop up (without me searching for them) in phones.
I’ve heard jack’d alerts ringing in my ear back to back.
I’ve had guys call my phone talking out the side of they face.
When I enter a new relationship, I always ask that they break up with me before they feel the need to cheat for whatever reason.
Shit, sometimes men cheat for no reason at all.
I rather avoid the heartache and pain and just throw up the deuces and keep it moving.
No Unneeded Issues.
Whenever I write articles, I always try to write about topics relatable to you guys.
Stuff that people can connect to or take away gaining new knowledge about.
It’s only natural to fall out of love if you can fall in it. That’s just period point blank. There’s no other way to tell it but blunt like that.
Also, we can’t always expect for the person who finds us attractive always to feel that way.
Sometimes feelings change, and shit goes left. We can’t feel like it’s the end of the world when our partners no longer find us sexually attractive, in love, etc.
Does it hurt?
Will it hurt?
Should the news that the person you love no longer loves you back hurt?
Of-course, and the pain is crucial for many people.
The sad reality of falling in love is that sometimes love doesn’t always last or remain ours.
One reason so many Gay relationships fail is because we stay when we know we should leave.
We pick people we know don’t deserve our time.
It’s not always the other people’s fault for our relationships failing sometimes we have to point the finger at ourselves.
A hard thing to do when you’re used to pointing the finger at everybody else, huh?
When you know you’re no longer happy why stay?
Why deal with something that will only cause you more problems and issues down the line?
HURT PEOPLE, WILL ONLY HURT OTHER PEOPLE!
If only more Gay men could be honest with their partners, then it would prevent the cycle of Gay men turning around and hurting somebody else.
I can respect a man for being honest and not staying in a relationship when they’re not happy.
Yeah, you may love the person, but sexually it’s just not working, or you fall for somebody, etc. Sometimes that flame just blows out and you can’t help to find happiness elsewhere.
Some men think if they cheat on the low and that they can still be happy in love.
Something I’ve learned is that when you think with your dack and not your brain, you’ll always make a fool out of yourself.
If you’re not happy just cut the relationship off and end it on good terms.
I don’t know why Gay men fear being honest when honesty should be one of the most critical factors in a relationship.
Now let’s get to the second half of this article…
He will remain anonymous for privacy purposes and since also his bae could be a reader of JBA. 😉
In his situation he’s in a committed relationship with somebody he’s not sexually compatible with.
LET ME EXPLAIN MORE BEFORE YOU JUDGE HIM!
Him and his partner agreed to practice celibacy until the right time to move forward.
Something happened, and they slipped up and went a little further than just kissing.
He sent me the following statement which led to us having a one-on-one discussion about his situation.
Wow. I’m dealing with this. I’ve been talking to a guy for six months, and we decided together not to have sex. & we’ve been sticking to that. This past weekend we almost did, and I realized that I wasn’t sexually attracted to him. Now I feel like I’ve wasted our time. The physical attraction is there I felt nothing sexually. 🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️ I’m so torn. – Anonymous Supporter
Tell us how you met your boyfriend and what led you both to date?
A mutual friend introduced us. My boyfriend expressed interest to our mutual friend, who then reached out to me. Initially, he wasn’t my type (but I hadn’t had luck with my type), so I was open to exploring a different avenue.
So being he wasn’t your type, what made him attractive to you?
He wasn’t my “list type.” I prefer short, lighter skinned men who are smaller than me. He is short, darker skinned and stocky. However, he was such a romantic guy and handsome. He listened, was compassionate, sincere, selfless, caring, respectful, a gentleman. He is well-dressed and groomed, and career and goal oriented. So physically, emotionally, and mentally he was everything.
You mentioned that you both agreed to wait for sex. That’s very important, and I applaud you for doing that when we all know how complicated celibacy is in our community.
Tell us how the two of you almost ended up breaking that celibacy promise and what prevented the both of you from going any further?
Initially, we would have only waited for four months. Then when four months hit finally came, we said let’s go until the New Year. Recently, we had been drinking and got inebriated and almost had sex, but we stopped and said we needed to wait.
At what point did you know for sure you was not sexually attracted to him?
In that exact moment, I realized it. I felt nothing, and I was anticipating for it to be over. I would have only gone through with it for the sake of his pleasure.
So he’s unaware of your current feelings?
He doesn’t know.
What type of reaction do you expect to receive once you break the news to him?
I’m not sure. That’s the scary part. How do you tell someone you’re not sexually attracted to them and expect it to be kosher?
I feel like if you wait and the both of you engage in sexual intercourse, and it still doesn’t work out then maybe you should have that conversation with him.
QUESTION: How would he feel about being in an open relationship? Is that even an option for the two of you?
I’d be more open to a Platonic relationship than I would an open one.
Do you think he may feel betrayed once you reveal to him that the whole time you weren’t sexually attracted to him and you just led him on?
You accepted him for being himself and didn’t allow your [preference list] to affect you from trying to build something with him.
That’s the thing, I still feel genuinely for him, and I am still physically and emotionally attracted to him. I’m just not sexually attracted. My feelings didn’t subside when I realized I wasn’t sexually in tune. That’s the part I’m having difficulties with.
If I were in your partner’s position, I would understand! I think the fact you still care emotionally and you still physically attracted to him should be enough to keep him.
Now sexually, you may have to be open-minded. Just to cut off the sex could make or break the relationship.
I think there is a possibility that the mishap that occurred turned you off more than anything.
I think you should experience the intercourse fully before you tell him you’re not sexually attracted to him.
You didn’t go all the way into the act to determine your final decision.
You came close to having intercourse, but close ain’t close enough.
So you never know what may happen once you go all the way. Your opinion and feelings may change.
True. These are all things I didn’t take into consideration honestly.
He may understand your approach if you go through with the original plan.
If things don’t turn out well, then confess that there isn’t a sexual attraction but more so emotional and physical attraction.
That way, he won’t take it the wrong way if you concede this prematurely.
If you tell him you’re not sexually attracted to him without having sex, it will not look right and it may hurt his feelings.
The conversation would need to happen right away not an hour or a day later!
You confessing this at that moment will solidify how you feel without hurting his feelings. If he loves you, he will understand because true love is unconditional.
I think once the both of you can come to terms with the sexual aspect of the relationship, you both can go from there.
Many couples are not sexually compatible, but they connect in other ways.
Relationships not always based on sexual chemistry but more so being able to connect on a deeper level.
At that point if SEX is an issue you and your partner can speak about how to work on it and solve the lack of sexual intimacy.
If only it were that easy! He’s sensitive, so I have to be smart when having this conversation.
When it comes to sex what would be the best possible outcome to meet your sexual needs and his as well?
How will you go about fulfilling your sexual requirements in the relationship?
I need to find my partner sexually attractive. There’s no “alternate” route.
Do you believe it’s possible for you to become sexually attracted to him?
What turned you off sexually about him in the first place?
I’m not sure. I’m still asking myself that.
I also included in this article about the fact that some Gay men cheat instead of just ending the relationship.
How often have you seen this play out in other Gay couples cheating instead of just breaking up and going their separate ways?
For many reasons. Usually, you’re comfortable with your partner, so the thought of life any different way is difficult to handle.
True well thank you for taking time out and sharing your story. I would love for you to update us with a part 2 letting us know how things turn out for the both of you.
He’s Not Your Man! He’s Everybody’s Man Including Your Ex’s!
I can’t stand when people wanna flash and flaunt their relationships when everybody knows the guy ain’t shit.
I’m not talking about the real authentic couples, I’m speaking about the couples who always in some mess.
If you know every and anybody has been with your man, then that’s not your man.
I’m sorry to put it to you like that… unfortunately, too many people claiming ownership over men who ain’t even theirs half the time.
You can’t be on and off with somebody and expect to be the only one he’s laying with or seeing period.
I know it sounds raw, but that’s the truth.
Most couples who are breaking up only to make up just for you to end up getting played out is silly to me.
For me, if we on and off then we not solving anything by staying together.
And more than likely you dipping your dack in somebody else.
I have a hard time believing somebody in a on and off relationship ain’t sliding through somebody else’s bedroom or front door.
These Gays out here trying to hang on, keep around or shelter a man.
If he’s not happy then let him go.
You can’t sit around thinking that you get special treatment that millions of other Gays don’t get.
Forcing something that isn’t there becomes problematic no matter how you try to pretend that shit is fine, when we all know it’s not.
They going to continue to do you wrong while you try to relive a memory that is no longer here for you to relive. Some things are better left done then trying to redo and recreate.
You know he’s not faithful and everyone around you knows this, so why you still lying to yourself?
Why can’t you see that the man you got ain’t your man sus?
That man belongs to everybody! He’s not trying to be limited to just you.
Is what you should say to him every time he up in your face smiling and trying to sling that dack your way.
Some of these men fight and argue just so they can leave and do their dirt.
You still haven’t caught on yet, sus?
Some of you will stay with a man that ain’t good just to say you got a man. You’ll allow him to damn near do anything and everything foul to you, while you do nothing about it.
That mentality of having half of a man is toxic for many of you.
Instead of moving on and finding better you rather stay and “work it out” when there’s nothing left to work on.
Sometimes the work is done and over and you both still can’t walk away and move on. It’s all about growth and if a person isn’t growing with you, then you stuck with a dud.
Fellas: Do A Fact Check On These Men!
After my recent failed attempts with dating within the last year, I have started fact checking shit more than ever before…
WAIT ON IT…
We about to dive deep!
So let’s get deeper!
I mean, I’m the type to investigate that ass to the fullest!
I wanna know everything about you even the shit you don’t want me to know.
Too many guys out here are playing games especially online.
They will tell you any and everything and leave out the fact that none of it is factual.
Some shit these men say is pure bullshit and will have you questioning yourself.
Some of Y’all are quick to believe everything these men tell you.
I had a guy lie to me about his entire life!!!
I’ve had guys lie about their status to their past dating history.
I’ve had men lie about having a job only to find out they were street hustling and escorting for TINA and Molly…
What’s even worse is the fact I had an ex lie about having a baby on me!
I think another [ex] who lied about being in the hospital with food poison when he was really laid up in somebody else’s bed tops them all for me!
But a lie is a lie and a liar ain’t never ashamed to mislead anyone.
Some of these men (I take that back) most of these guys are professional liars.
They have been lying since day one!
They were conditioned to lie about their sexuality and even worse when it comes to their daily lives everything just filled with lies and fairytales.
To add to the list of lies: They lie about their sexual position, their intentions and even their dack size!
There’s no telling what’s about to come out of a man’s mouth when he speaks to you. Especially when he’s been a liar all his life, that’s all he knows.
Fact check is important!
I like investigating and doing my little investigation on these men.
I check social media accounts even going as far to check in with your mammy and ex!
You gotta get a full ass report on these men out here otherwise they will straight up use you dry and drain you out.
We can’t sit back and trust everything a man tells us especially not off no dating app. If you meeting guys online, take every and anything they say with a grain of salt!
Everything he says can’t be all true even the most honest guys keeping something from you.
Some may say actions speak louder than words but even in this day and age people can show you one thing but mean something else. You can believe you in a whole ass relationship and really find yourself being played!
Trust all things know while believing nothing you hear without the PROOF!
FACT CHECK HIS ASS! FELLAS!
Y’all Be Giving Off Bottom Teas But Will Top Em All Down!
Looks are deceiving so never get caught up on what looks a certain way because behind a closed door they may surprise you.
I love pretty boys who can give you that feminine energy while being able to buss down booty with no fucks to give.
Yeah, I said it. I like a “feminine” sexy guy who can put on that bottom look that so many of you criticize and he can slang the dack good.
Y’all be sleeping in the good dack because Ya’ll be chasing “masculine” or “straight-acting” ass men. Meanwhile, the ones who got the best dack be the queen’s Ya’ll always shading down!
For me, if it comes down to getting the dack, I want me a man who can handle the ass. I don’t care for a man I can just stare at and show off as a trophy.
Y’all really out here sleeping on some good ass wood. Trust me!
I remember like yesterday when I let my first “bottom” topped me!
Meanwhile Ya’ll with these tops who can’t even keep it up…
Whatever works for you but for me, I’m open minded and the more I explore my options the better my encounters get! Don’t believe me? Try something you’ve never tried and tell me it ain’t good after you experience it on more than one occasion.
I don’t care to hear about lesbian sex or you ain’t letting them climb your back. When a man got good dack, he got good dack! Get out of the looks department and peep out his stroke game!