A supporter reached out to me on Twitter.
He wanted to share his story after reading a post I wrote a while back about having a complicated relationship surrounding sex.
Our discussion is not a part of the main article. This article is more like a response article. He didn’t cheat, and he’s not unhappy in his relationship besides one small problem.
He doesn’t find his partner sexually compatible.
He wanted to get my advice on the situation and how I would deal with it if I had been in his shoes.
As far as the main topic of this article, I feel like people should just break up instead of cheating. I have always felt this way and I think a lot of you may agree with me.
Yes, we all have done our dirt but I think for a lot of you those experiences were lessons learned.
Gay men cheat and step out on their partners instead of just ending the relationship.
This is a MAJOR problem. This is a problem I have came across in my own relationships.
Looking back at some of those moments, I wish they had just broke up with me instead of causing me to find out or catch them being unfaithful.
It would hurt me more to know an ex didn’t love me and then to find out he has been cheating. I would want my boyfriend or husband to ask to end the relationship instead of doing me wrong.
Not HERE FOR IT!
Wasn’t HERE FOR IT!
Won’t EVER BE HERE FOR IT!
I’ve seen BGCLIVE profiles in the background on cams (years ago.)
I’ve seen text messages pop up (without me searching for them) in phones.
I’ve heard jack’d alerts ringing in my ear back to back.
I’ve had guys call my phone talking out the side of they face.
When I enter a new relationship, I always ask that they break up with me before they feel the need to cheat for whatever reason.
smh, sometimes men cheat for no reason at all.
I rather avoid the heartache and pain and just throw up the deuces and keep it moving.
No Unneeded Issues.
Whenever I write articles, I always try to write about topics relatable to you guys.
Stuff that people can connect to or take away gaining new knowledge about.
It’s only natural to fall out of love if you can fall in it. That’s just period point blank. There’s no other way to tell it but blunt like that.
Also, we can’t always expect for the person who finds us attractive always to feel that way.
Sometimes feelings change, and ish goes left. We can’t feel like it’s the end of the world when our partners no longer find us sexually attractive, in love, etc.
Does it hurt?
Will it hurt?
Should the news that the person you love no longer loves you back hurt?
Of-course, and the pain is crucial for many people.
The sad reality of falling in love is that sometimes love doesn’t always last or remain ours.
One reason so many gay relationships fail is because we stay when we know we should leave.
We pick people we know don’t deserve our time.
It’s not always the other people’s fault for our relationships failing sometimes we have to point the finger at ourselves.
A hard thing to do when you’re used to pointing the finger at everybody else, huh?
When you know you’re no longer happy why stay?
Why deal with something that will only cause you more problems and issues down the line?
HURT PEOPLE, WILL ONLY HURT OTHER PEOPLE!
If only more gay men could be honest with their partners, then it would prevent the cycle of gay men turning around and hurting somebody else.
I can respect a man for being honest and not staying in a relationship when they’re not happy.
Yeah, you may love the person, but sexually it’s just not working, or you fall for somebody, etc. Sometimes that flame just blows out and you can’t help to find happiness elsewhere.
Some men think if they cheat on the low and that they can still be happy in love.
Something I’ve learned is that when you think with your eggplant and not your brain, you’ll always make a fool out of yourself.
If you’re not happy just cut the relationship off and end it on good terms.
I don’t know why gay men fear being honest when honesty should be one of the most critical factors in a relationship.
Now let’s get to the second half of this article…
He will remain anonymous for privacy and since also his bae could be a reader of JBA. 😉
In his situation he’s in a committed relationship with somebody he’s not sexually compatible with.
LET ME EXPLAIN MORE BEFORE YOU JUDGE HIM!
Him and his partner agreed to practice celibacy until the right time to move forward.
Something happened, and they slipped up and went a little further than just kissing.
He sent me the following statement which led to us having a one-on-one discussion about his situation.
Wow. I’m dealing with this. I’ve been talking to a guy for six months, and we decided together not to have sex. & we’ve been sticking to that. This past weekend we almost did, and I realized that I wasn’t attracted to him. Now I feel like I’ve wasted our time. The physical attraction is there I felt nothing sexually. 🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️ I’m so torn. – Anonymous Supporter
Tell us how you met your boyfriend and what led you both to date?
A mutual friend introduced us. My boyfriend expressed interest to our mutual friend, who then reached out to me. Initially, he wasn’t my type (but I hadn’t had luck with my type), so I was open to exploring a different avenue.
So being he wasn’t your type, what made him attractive to you?
He wasn’t my “list type.” I prefer short, lighter skinned men who are smaller than me. He is short, darker skinned and stocky. However, he was such a romantic guy and handsome. He listened, was compassionate, sincere, selfless, caring, respectful, a gentleman. He is well-dressed and groomed, and career and goal oriented. So physically, emotionally, and mentally he was everything.
You mentioned that you both agreed to wait for sex. That’s very important, and I applaud you for doing that when we all know how complicated celibacy is in our community.
Tell us how the two of you almost ended up breaking that celibacy promise and what prevented the both of you from going any further?
Initially, we would have only waited for four months. Then when four months hit finally came, we said let’s go until the New Year. Recently, we had been drinking and got inebriated and almost had sex, but we stopped and said we needed to wait.
At what point did you know for sure you was not sexually attracted to him?
In that exact moment, I realized it. I felt nothing, and I was anticipating for it to be over. I would have only gone through with it for the sake of his pleasure.
So he’s unaware of your current feelings?
He doesn’t know.
What type of reaction do you expect to receive once you break the news to him?
I’m not sure. That’s the scary part. How do you tell someone you’re not sexually attracted to them and expect it to be kosher?
I feel like if you wait and the both of you engage in sexual intercourse, and it still doesn’t work out then maybe you should have that conversation with him.
QUESTION: How would he feel about being in an open relationship? Is that even an option for the two of you?
I’d be more open to a Platonic relationship than I would an open one.
Do you think he may feel betrayed once you reveal to him that the whole time you weren’t sexually attracted to him and you just led him on?
You accepted him for being himself and didn’t allow your [preference list] to affect you from trying to build something with him.
That’s the thing, I still feel genuinely for him, and I am still physically and emotionally attracted to him. I’m just not sexually attracted. My feelings didn’t subside when I realized I wasn’t sexually in tune. That’s the part I’m having difficulties with.
If I were in your partner’s position, I would understand! I think the fact you still care emotionally and you still physically attracted to him should be enough to keep him.
Now sexually, you may have to be open-minded. Just to cut off the sex could make or break the relationship.
I think there is a possibility that the mishap that occurred turned you off more than anything.
I think you should experience the intercourse fully before you tell him you’re not sexually attracted to him.
You didn’t go all the way into the act to determine your final decision.
You came close to having intercourse, but close ain’t close enough.
So you never know what may happen once you go all the way. Your opinion and feelings may change.
True. These are all things I didn’t take into consideration honestly.
He may understand your approach if you go through with the original plan.
If things don’t turn out well, then confess that there isn’t a sexual attraction but more so emotional and physical attraction.
That way, he won’t take it the wrong way if you concede this prematurely.
If you tell him you’re not sexually attracted to him without having sex, it will not look right and it may hurt his feelings.
The conversation would need to happen right away not an hour or a day later!
You confessing this at that moment will solidify how you feel without hurting his feelings. If he loves you, he will understand because true love is unconditional.
I think once the both of you can come to terms with the sexual aspect of the relationship, you both can go from there.
Many couples are not sexually compatible, but they connect in other ways.
Relationships not always based on sexual chemistry but more so being able to connect on a deeper level.
At that point if SEX is an issue you and your partner can speak about how to work on it and solve the lack of sexual intimacy.
If only it were that easy! He’s sensitive, so I have to be smart when having this conversation.
When it comes to sex what would be the best possible outcome to meet your sexual needs and his as well?
How will you go about fulfilling your sexual requirements in the relationship?
I need to find my partner sexually attractive. There’s no “alternate” route.
Do you believe it’s possible for you to become sexually attracted to him?
What turned you off sexually about him in the first place?
I’m not sure. I’m still asking myself that.
I also included in this article about the fact that some gay men cheat instead of just ending the relationship.
How often have you seen this play out in other gay couples cheating instead of just breaking up and going their separate ways?
For many reasons. Usually, you’re comfortable with your partner, so the thought of life any different way is difficult to handle.
True well thank you for taking time out and sharing your story. I would love for you to update us with a part 2 letting us know how things turn out for the both of you.