Dear Black Gay Men Stop Seeking Love And Validation From Men 0 2815

“I could be your supermodel

If you believe

If you see it in me

See it in me

See it in me

I don’t see myself

Why I can’t stay alone just by myself

Wish I was comfortable just with myself

But I need you

I need you

I need you.”

⁃ SZA Supermodel.


I wanted to make an article about this song. In fact, this is one of my favorite SZA songs off her album. These lyrics resonate with a lot of you and [myself included]. I noticed singing the lyrics to this song and stopping midway to think, “why the F am singing right now?” 

That’s not a diss to SZA or the song but the message for me is reeking of low self esteem. Self-love and self-worth is the message we should promote and also offering to ourselves.

Sometimes, I sit back and think about all the mistakes I’ve made when searching for men and settling for F’d up relationships. Those words may have resonated with me during many dark days in my life. Looking forward, I don’t want to find myself in that space again where I feel like I need somebody to fulfill me.

A man can not complete you! A man can not even save you from yourself even if he tried. We have to love ourselves enough to protect ourselves and feel like we got our own back. Now there’s nothing wrong with additional love and support from others because that is very much needed. There’s a big difference between needing a man and wanting a man to be a partner in life.

After I thought about those failed relationships, I reflected on my love life. I picked at myself as if I was peeling back scabs and ripping open scars to examine what I was lacking (I feel the tears building up as I write this part of the article.) 

I think my biggest fear and many of you reading this may relate to this. The fear of not falling in love. I would also say the fear of not finding true genuine love at all scares me.

I don’t care if I’m single or not by the age of 30 I will fulfill every wish and want with a man or without him.

I don’t need a man to be happy. I don’t need a man to fulfill my sexual needs. I don’t need a man for ish but love, support, honesty, and commitment. Anything and everything else I can do on my own.

Me walking into the reality of self-love and acceptance of having my back no matter what man comes or goes. 

While yes it’s only natural to feel lonely [sometimes]. I find most guys I meet are better off as quick intimate moments more than something long-lasting. My feelings may change once I find somebody with some substance and also worth my time. Until then I will view these men all the same minus the quick intimacy. I’m not too invested into causal sex.

We need to stop seeking validation and love from men and explore it from within.


MEANWHILE… Y’all reading this article like…

I’m fearing that the structure for love in our community is vanishing by the second.

I believe there is a lot of men like myself who wants love, but the odds of coming across our ideal guy is turning more rare than easy.

NO! I’m not saying we won’t ever find love… 

The Black gay dating pool is over populated with BS and sex addicts.

For those gay men who found their match…


Don’t lose that man!

I’m telling you, it’s hard out here unless you are “eye candy with bawdy.” [LOL]

If your average or don’t fit that description it will be rough dating in 2019 going forward.

I know that’s a hard reality, but we need to accept it.

I’ve waited, put sex out the equation to focus on them, etc.

I’ve done everything and all these men want to do is view me as a sex object and an overnight stay.

As far as my favorite song “SuperModel” by SZA goes…

“I don’t see myself

Why I can’t stay alone just by myself

Wish I was comfortable just with myself

But I need you

I need you

I need you.”

I’m no longer putting that message into my memory bank. I’m more so focus on loving myself. I don’t need THEM when I got ME! All that matters and all that will ever amount to anything is having your damn self in times of need.

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READ NEXT:   Dear Gay Men: If A Man Tells You He Doesn't Want A Relationship BELIEVE HIM!
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I write what I love and share what my little golden heart desires! 👨🏾‍💻 Black Gay Writer, Author, Creative Creator. Future Filmmaker, Television Producer and Mogul In The Making!

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