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Dear Black Gay Men

Community Full Of Bottoms | Tops Where You At?

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CALLING ALL TOPS OF THE WORLD!!!! WHERE YOU AT GENTS?

I’m so sick of it being 95% bottoms and only 5% TOPS left out here and on top of that, all the tops don’t even top anymore. [UGH] Why is the community filled with the only majority of bottoms? I don’t understand why are all the tops damn near extinct at this point? What will my life become if all the dicks are gone? What am I supposed to do?
 
Who’s going to be masculine enough to make me feel masculine? Who’s going to hold me like a MAN? I don’t want other bottoms. I want a man that is ALL MAN, FULL MAN PERIOD. You have to be a man for me, and that’s why I’m single because all the damn TOPS are full-blown bottoms now.
 

WHAT’S GOING ON WITH THE TOPS DISAPPEARING ON US?!

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EXCUSE ME, BUT I AM ABOUT TO RANT RIGHT NOW!

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MAKE WAYYY

Here’s my RANT!

I’m so sick of these motherfuckas always complaining about the lack of tops. Everywhere you go on these damn apps and on these damn profiles they bitching. These one-dimensional ass bottoms always demanding for MASC ONLY, TOPS ONLY, LOOKING FOR TOPS, etc.
 
Most of these fools have been on these apps for YEARS! Yes, fucking YEARS DAMN IT! Are you telling me you haven’t found your masculine shining armor KING yet?
 

CHILE. WHAT?

 
why hasn’t he arrived yet?
 

WHERE IS HE!

 

So you’re telling me that you only come across BOTTOMS?

 

WHERE’S YOUR TOP BOO? WHERE IS HE?

 
You sure we both looking in the same place? I see tops all around us. Oh wait, so you’re going to complain about the fact that the options you have aren’t ”masculine enough” right?

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SILLY RABBITS!

 
You didn’t get the memo???
 

THERE ARE NO STRICT TOPS ANYMORE.

 
Yeah, you have your few selections and rare options but those are far in-between. A lot of the boys are tricking you simple minded ass men into believing that they’re TRADE AND TOP REALNESS.
 

HA! 

If you only knew, how many of them get their backs blown out on the daily. All of you TOPFOCUSED DACK CRAVING ASS individuals would staybothered.
NO SHADE! Don’t take that as a read because I have been a dack craving ass fool in the past as well. That wasn’t a read chile. It’s actually a joke.

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Half of you BOTTOMS believe in this TOP shit by the dozens of tattoos on his bodies and his HOOD APPEAL. He could he be pussy plastered down but his image will make you overlook his extra ass ways.
 

HA, the LAUGH is on YOU! SIS…

 
Now some of you can be open-minded and not get in your feelings because I’m not MESSI’m KEEPING IT REAL!
 
We need to STOP with these LABELS. Stop JUDGING people based on what you perceive as a TOP or MASCULINE MAN. They are here for the shit. Then when the shit pops out at them, they want to run and hide. I’ve seen guys pretend to be TOPS for a ki-ki. There are some bottoms out there right now getting tricked on.
 
It’s an act; it’s a fucking performance and an illusion darling. What you believe is a TOP MASC can very well turn out to be BOTTOM TUNA. Do not bfooled because many of you are deceived. Don’t read me down sis, take this L, and go on about your day. I’m speaking on what I’ve seen first hand. DO BETTER BOO!
 
One time, I had this guy who knew nothing about me and followed me on Twitter and some other social media outlets. He looked at my pictures, saw a few videos and swore he knew my tea.
 
This fool straight up told me that I was a full dack takerI never made that pledge, and I don’t recall claiming to be strict bottom on social media.
I didn’t use usernames such as:

bigbooty4tops 

takethisbussy

chocolatewallsdelight

dackslayer

bigdackgreedyassmonsta

dackcravingaddict

bootyslangingbottom

 
I didn’t give any clear sign that I was a full bottom. He based his opinion off of what he perceives as “bottom quality.”
 
He didn’t understand why I was talking about big phat asses on several of my FB posts. He lost his damn mind and wanted to READ ME DOWN.
LITTLE DID HE KNOW!

THE GAG WAS ON HIM.

I wasn’t bothered, but I left him lost for words. He was speechless when I showed him how quick I could snatch up a piece of ass and get me some of his booty too.
 

DON’T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER!

 
DON’T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER!
 
DON’T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER!
 
DON’T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER!
DON’T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER!
DON’T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER!
DON’T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER!
DON’T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER!
DON’T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER!

DON’T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER!

We need to stop making assumptions based on labels. Get to know people before you judge them. That wasn’t the first time I’ve had somebody try to come for me. I’ve wanted to talk to a few bottoms, and they claimed I wasn’t masculine enough.
NO, in fact, I am not masculine. I‘m in-between, and I am fully versatile but at the same time. I could very well be fake and put on the illusion and trick bait yo ass to get a piece of the pie.
 
There are MANY STRICT TOPS out here. You can’t find them because even the strict tops don’t want your ass. NO SHADE, please don’t feel any way by me saying that. That isn’t directed, at everybody. You can’t seek out masculinity and expect to find exactly, what you’re looking for. You are going to get the opposite most of the time. Shit, you may not even get that even if that STRICT TOP was in your face.
 
Like my friend always says seeking masculinity is a feminine trait. Now is it wrong to have a preference? No there’s nothing wrong with that. Does that mean you’re choice will always be accurate? When making a judgment call on guys, you come across? I doubt it.
You would be completely shocked at how many of TOPS and ADULT ENTERTAINERS are in fact FEM AND CUTE WITH IT. Those illusions play up what you fantasize when watching those videos.
 
Most of these MASCULINE TOPS aren’t even masculine. Like the way you want them to be. Most gay men now are more open than ever before, and most of us don’t need to hide it when our truths are in plain sight.
 
Every gay man I have known still are still in touch with their feminine side. I don’t care how masculine they may appear before your eyes in person or on a damn photo.
 
I have yet to find a strict masc top in the gay community. No that’s not an insult that’s my observation on the shit. You have met one, or assume that they were one based off of your assumptions.
 
That’s the factor in this situation. Everybody’s views and opinions will NOT be the same. We are all different, and we see things differently, and it’s okay.
 
MASCULINE MEN don’t claim to be masculine. It’s like wearing a costume and claiming that it’s your authentic attire. At some point, that shit has to come off, and the representative will be gone. You can’t keep claiming what is natural for you. If you are masculine, you won’t need to claim it.
 
Masculine men do not have to claim that they are masculine.
 
If a man is masculine, he will not have to prove his masculinity. Half of these fools are only satisfied by reading “I’M MASCULINE” or looking at the outer appearance. A picture can only say but so much. A thousand words may fit the description, but you’re missing out on the other half that didn’t make the script. The other half that he kept hidden out of fear of you judging him.
 
I’m spitting real shit. If you’re still reading, congrats to you for not being in your feelings at this moment. It’s nothing personal darling, and we can call a spade a spade.
 
The reality is the fact that the idea of a strict top is no longer present amongst the masses in our community. Most men are versatile, and most of the tops out here have already been penetrated.
Yeah, a few haven’t but a majority of them devour the dick.
 
They are not out here focused, on portraying hyper-masculinity for these bottoms satisfaction.
 
The role of being masculine and a strict top have been, flipped and turned upside down. So all you bottoms of the world are going to have to figure it out for yourself. I have already been up on game years ago. I had to see the shit for myself to know these labels are nothing more than an illusion.
 
 
We’re going to expect for gay men in 2018 not to experiment and attempt to suck a dack, take fingers in the booty? Let’s be real about the shit. EVERYBODY DOING IT! Get off the label trails there is no more strict anything. People out here doing all types of shit that they weren’t doing based on these labels 10, 20, 30 years ago.
 
It’s time to WAKE UP and realize what is going on around us. Stop seeking what you claim you can’t find! If it isn’t out there for you, then your standards are too damn high. That’s the problems folks. You so stuck in your way of thinking, that you’re missing out on so many guys with more to offer you. Some of you still in search of that IDEAL MASC TOP even to this very day. Do better, open your minds and be realistic about the reality of TOPS nowadays then again you can continue to search for your strict top and masculine dream man. Some of us out here are snatching the real ones.

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Dear Black Gay Men

“Just Because I F*ck Guys Doesn’t Mean I’m Gay”

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Khalil Wells sets the record straight and lets the gay community know that he’s not gay. Now a lot of you are side-eyeing him, but let me remind you of the reality of the community.

Some men do not describe, connect or even identify themselves as homosexual. It doesn’t matter how many dicks they may take or give to other men of the same sex. These men are no different from those who prefer women but enjoy sexual encounters with men on the side.

WE CAN NOT FORCE SOMEBODY INTO A LEAGUE or COMMUNITY, IN WHICH THEY DO NOT IDENTIFY THEMSELVES AS BEING APART OF PERIOD POINT BLANK.

I get it, many of you may not understand sexuality, but it’s pretty diverse to the point that everything can be fluid without any actual attachment. There is no one set rule when it comes to SEX.

Some of you do know there is a difference between sexual identification and actual sex?

There are plenty of men who identify as heterosexual but may engage with other men.

I REPEAT!

There are plenty of men who identify as heterosexual but may engage with other men.

We need to stop forcing people into a box for one strict sexual orientation which they do not want to choose for themselves. They do not have to be FORCED to conform to your expectations when it comes to their sexual identity. 

I WILL LET THAT PROCESS FOR SOME OF YOU! 

You may call him gay all day long but if the man is saying he’s not gay leave it alone. Who am I or anybody else to force a title on somebody? That’s the problem! We are so quick to push these titles and labels on people who do not identify with that particular label or title.

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This goes hand in hand with sexual positioning. You may call me a fem bottom just because my mannerisms is one way doesn’t mean I identify as being feminine or a bottom. We want to diagnose people, but we fail to realize there’s no limit or set rule that indicates that one can’t explore their options. This man may have had sex for whatever reason with other men. Who am I to judge him and try to force him to identify with something that clearly doesn’t represent him.

We have the freedom to identify as whatever we choose to identify with. If I wanted to say I’m a masculine man and I may not appear masculine, then that’s my choice. If you decide to identify as a feminine gay man, but all the bottoms of the sea want you to be a top, then who they to tell you who to be is?

Stop placing people in these boxes and labeling them all sorts of shit. If a person tells you, no I do not identify with this particular lifestyle or sexuality, then allow them that right of choice. Pointing out how many bottoms of the sea he has smashed (vice versa) won’t change his mindset or mentality. Allow this man to express himself however way he identities and also connects with as a human being.

This also can be said for down low men who happen to swing from women to men. There are many down low guys who do not consider themselves “gay” but very much engage in homosexual practices and acts. The only difference is the fact that this guy is well known in the community and most of those DL men aren’t.

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Enough of this label shaming and trying to force people into these labeled sexual boxes. Some people enjoy the act but do not call themselves homosexual. Allow this man to be himself and express his RIGHTS as an individual. A lot of people are legit MAD about this guy clarifying and stating his sexuality.

Okay, so you saw some videos on Pornhub that’s cool. If you don’t know this man in real life, then you don’t know him period. How are you going to tell him how he should identify himself as being when he’s his own person.

I do not know this man, I’ve never heard of him, but I respect his right to identify as straight or bicurious in whatever way he chooses to define his sexuality.

FIN!


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Dear Black Gay Men

“Dating In The Black Gay Community Doesn’t Exist Anymore!”

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Last night, I was having a pretty interesting conversation with a guy from one of my FB groups. We ended up chatting after I left an open-ended question on the page. He responded, and we decided to chat more privately on messenger.

My question in the group was based on other guys experience with dating in the black gay community back in 2008 vs. today, in 2018. As many of you know, there has been a significant change in the dating department for ALL OF US. With new technology and apps dating and discovering ways to date has changed. Some people would argue with the fact that some of these changes have affected a good amount of black gay men.

I would say, everybody’s opinion on this topic is different. I may feel like dating in 2018 is different from 2008, but you may not agree for whatever reason. I think age groups have similarities being that I’m not going to be able to connect to an 18-year-old at 28 about online dating back in 2008 because there’s an age gap. He’s not going to have the same experiences as me when it comes to dating in 2018 vs. 2008. GET MY POINT? 

I will say last night speaking with one of my peers, and I was able to hear from his perspective how his dating life has changed over this the last decade was pretty interesting, to say the least. 

He’s 30 years old, successful brutha with his own businesses and he resides in D.C. He’s been single for over five years now because he doesn’t feel like there’s much of a dating culture anymore in the black gay community.

While I agree with him, I also had to disagree with his opinions on dating apps.

His views were entirely against dating apps and he even claimed that the last app he used was BGCLIVE which is ancient shit (no shade but shade.) 

So with his lack of experience with new dating techniques (online mobile apps), he has closed off a huge possibility of meeting his potential mate since the majority of gay men are accessible online. I’m guessing he still goes to gay clubs to meet guys or bathhouses. NO SHADE. 

He feels like Jack’d, Grindr, POF, Tinder are all complete waste of time and he doesn’t have much time to entertain those type of apps. IN HIS WORDS NOT MINE! 

I am a user of a majority of those apps. I think my experience with dating has also been complicated, but I do feel like they may work for other people.

I don’t think the dating culture within the black gay community is gone. I think the way we date has changed and maybe for some, it hasn’t changed for the better. I speak about these things because I am in the community and I ENGAGE with the community on these issues. A lot of black gay men feel like there’s no point in dating and the only purpose of those apps is only for sex. I get it, and I understand why so many of my peers think this way.

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For younger gay men in their youth, they tend not to see it that way because they’re now coming of age. Back in 2008, many of us (for those who are in my age group) may feel the same way about the BGCLIVE and ADAM4ADAM during that time period. We didn’t have this MAJOR development when it came to Jack’d (which came out around 2010) and all of these newer apps. I think the speed of things makes a lot of people feel unsure of the possibility of having a successful relationship anymore.

Right now everything is microwavable and quick including love, sex, relationships, and fallouts. Everything seems to be forced or often not enough to fulfill the need of those who are seeking MORE than just one thing or another involving dating or relationships. Often we find that most guys are not willing to commit compared to previous years of dating. I would say that’s mainly since sex is more available now than it was in the past.

You can find you a quick piece of ass today online much quicker than you would have been able to find ten years ago. Yeah BGCLIVE was pretty quick, but that required more hoops to jump through. That application wasn’t mobile, so you weren’t able to meet somebody in the same proximity as you can today outside of the comfort of your home.

Could you imagine us trying to text as quickly and effortlessly back in 2008 as we do now on these dating apps today? (LMAO)

I agree with him on the aspect that dating is NOT THE SAME. There is no real standard way of dating today. Most people do not go out to dinner, a movie and maybe a walk in the park. You’re not going to meet guys that are offering to take you out today compared to years ago. I don’t recall ever having a guy offer to take me out on a traditional date. For me, I have never been offered too many dating Opportunites that did not involve sex, his place or even a quick exchange of meaningless texts. His experience may be different because he resides in a separate area. Your experience may be similar to mine or his depending on your own experiences as well. I don’t think we all can agree or disagree when it comes to dating as black gay men.

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I have met plenty of gay men who reside in California who claims to have a fantastic dating life, and they meet guys for dinner, lunch, coffee all the time. While I’ve met some guys here on my coast in NYC or PHILLY, who have never experienced that courtship and wouldn’t be able to tell you what it feels like to experience it.

So due to that, I wouldn’t be able to agree with him on the fact that it doesn’t exist because it does, for some, it may be amazing, and for others, it might be more complicated and rare.

We can’t say dating doesn’t exist because for everybody their dating experiences are different.

Can we say that dating has changed the culture of the black gay community, yes, without a doubt!

Can we say that dating has been altered in a good or negative way? of course, it has been altered.

One thing, I wouldn’t be able to say about it is the fact that it’s nonexistent because it very well does exist, but with all things so does life has its changes. Nothing was ever meant to stay the same and that includes the way we go about dating and finding potential love.

I think his experiences may have been rough to the point that he no longer cares to try anymore. The hardest thing about dating is actually giving up and not continuing to try. The way he spoke about finding love, he comes off as somebody who desires to share that space with another person. I understand his struggle with trying to find the right person, but I don’t think that should stop him.

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We all have been through the fire and back while trying to date. I think dating is a beautiful experience in our community. We need more examples of positive outcomes of black gay couples and more. If we can get rid of the stigma that dating does not exist in the community, we will have a better outcome with dating as a community.

Stop focusing on what you think and get out there and experience it for yourself.

Listening to thousands of black gay men complain about dating won’t change your dating experience. The only way you can fail if you don’t attempt to try to succeed at it.

The best choice is to trust yourself when making the right decisions in the type of men you choose to get to know. There’s no rule book to dating and no predictions of the actual outcome of your dating experience. Stop listening to what people say based off of their own experiences about shit in life. What’s for them is for them and what they lack to have or find doesn’t affect your possibilities at all.

You have to TRY before you can say you failed at it. Fear is what keeps us from achieving some of our most significant opportunities in life. Meeting that man could be easy for you or it may be a struggle. Nothing comes easy, and if it does, then you need to sit back and analyze how you gained it. BLOOP!

Dating has been and always will be a challenge no matter what technology comes along or if it disappears with time. Your experiences cannot be promised if you keep a negative mindset about things. Well, remember what you think is what usually becomes of you.

FIN!


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Dear Black Gay Men

How To Know When He Doesn’t Like You That He Only Likes The D*ck

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I’m going, to be honest, and get straight to the point. I know this may come off as blunt, but I have to be REAL about the shit.

He didn’t like you.

He was never planning on liking you.

He only used you for the dick.

Yes, I said it and vice versa for you bottoms of the sea! 

I can’t lie and say I don’t see many of you getting used because I do. It’s so obvious and apparent, but for many of you, it’s hard to figure out. Shit, I’ve been in the same situation until I had to step outside of it and see the truth.

It’s never easy to come to terms with being used for sex. A lot of gay men are skilled at this shit. It baffles me when people don’t know when somebody is running game on them.

I created a list since so many of my loyal readers love these type of articles. Hints and clues that most of you probably have noticed but ignored or tried to overlook for other reasons.

Don’t take offense by anything on this list. This is from my point of view only.

Prev1 of 7


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