I think we all deserve the right to prefer the race of men we date. I support interracial dating; I have relatives who came from interracial relationships. So, I could never dislike, disrespect, disregard interracial couples.
I will say, I am always open for conversation and dialogue with the community based on taboo topics. I believe we have a lot of experiences positive and negative that may reflect our views about relationships and dating. A friend of mine and I had a heated debate about interracial relationships and dating. He is against Black gay men dating outside of our race. He won’t even entertain dating men who have dated non-Black men. One thing about my friend, he does not bend about this topic and I’ve tried multiple times to get him to be more open-minded.
Once again, that’s his preference, and I respect it. I’m not the type of person to bash people for their views and opinions. I allow everybody to speak their mind and not feel judged for it.
As far as me, I have never been in an interracial relationship. I have attempted several times but because of other factors things just never worked out. It’s not about the fact they were Caucasian because I don’t see COLOR while trying to date or being in love. I believe love is love, and it has no color. I think for me, the right Caucasian man matters the most. I would have to find myself physically attracted to him. I have yet to meet a Caucasian man I have found attractive in my experiences at least not in my area.
I would date any man of any race to be honest. He could be Hispanic, Asian, Middle Eastern, etc. I do not discriminate! I have to say, there will be no man that attracts me as much as a Black man. That’s just what it is for me. I am open to all men but for my first pick, a Black man will always be the leading man for me.
As far as it concerns my friend, he is not here for it. He is not a racist at all. He has all races of friends but in his love life he has no interest in dating non-Black men. The problem for him is that he doesn’t know how to pick out good men. Which is why we engaged in the conversation to begin with, but it went left field when I brought up the race factor.
I mentioned that maybe he should give interracial dating a chance. All the Black men he has dated were terrible choices of men. I didn’t blame him for choosing them but I honestly sometimes feel like he’s doesn’t allow his options to be more diverse. I have flirted with many races of men as long as I find them attractive. My friend won’t even give biracial men a chance.
Even after trying to change the conversation, he would not allow me to drop the subject. So I gave him the floor and allowed him to vent and give me a better reason for his lack of interest in dating non-Black men.
Well, his problem with interracial dating originated when his first boyfriend cheated on him with Caucasian men. Then the next guy he had a crush on for a year ended up revealing he only dated non-Black men. He has held this grudge against interracial dating after those situations.
My friend doesn’t care for gay or straight interracial couples. His experience with those two guys caused him to be bitter towards interracial dating.
He also brought up the fact that a lot of men of color who only date non-Black men may very well have self-identity issues. They display a lot of hatred towards their own race while uplifting and craving for non-Black men.
I too have an issue with guys who only date non-Black men ONLY when they internalize their hate towards us Black men. Nothing makes me cringe more than people who hate themselves. Some of these men are disrespectful and that bothers me the most. Internalized racism exists within the Black gay community. Even though we don’t come face to face with it rarely means some of us haven’t encountered it firsthand. Many of us have met some of these type of men.
I can’t respect a man who dates outside of his race to separate himself from his community. How can you have two Black parents and disown your own race? It’s one thing to prefer something, but it’s another thing to hate yourself and others like you.
Some of these men are harmless with their intentions of dating outside of their race. They may date a Caucasian man and end up with a Black man when it’s all said and done. In my conversation with my friend we both had agreed that internalized racism is the root of the problem. I also pointed out the fact he also needs to understand that his views are harmful. While we can point our fingers at the Black men who want nothing to do with other Black men, I have to call him out on his ways as well.
Self-hatred is real, very real! What a lot of these Black men who only date interracially with negative views on other men of color don’t understand is the fact they are ignorant in many ways. Colorism is another uphill battle for us. I could go into that but that’s a whole different ball game for another article post at another time.
I get second-hand embarrassment when I come across some of these profiles online of gay men of color spewing negativity towards their own race of men. If you read in-between the lines, you will see pure sel-hatred. What makes it even sadder is that some of these men have too encountered racism and they want to cry out on social media about how they’re always being discriminated against. I guess it doesn’t feel good when you’re on the receiving end of hatred.
A preference and self-hatred should never become mixed up or misunderstood. I find interracial love to be beautiful no matter what anybody else may think about it. I won’t tolerate hatred towards no one of any race, color or background. Anything that doesn’t promote positivity and love isn’t valuable to me. I guess this also was the turn-point for my friend because he couldn’t help but to accept what I had to say.
What we should focus on is the root of a person’s soul. Of-course the physical attraction has to be there but the important factor is being open-minded. Love is colorless and I support all interracial couples.
Do I think my friend will ever date outside of the Black race? NO. I think he understands that the same way he views dating is the same problem we both have with the self-hatred within the Black gay community.
If I could find White gay men who didn’t view me as a sexual object then I may be lucky enough to date interracially someday. Like I said, I have to find that person attractive regardless of their race, color or creed.
That’s all I have to say for now about interracial dating and also self-hatred among the community. I think a preference often used sometimes to hide a much deeper rooted issue.