I am completely open-minded, non-judgmental, and very unbiased. I can meet, converse with any type of person from all walks of life. I enjoy being social with other gay men in the community. In fact, I actually reach out to guys just to spark up a conversation cause I love getting people’s true opinions on all types of situations.
I came across this one gentleman on social media and I instantly took interest in his lifestyle. He’s currently in a non-monogamous relationship and practices polyamory.
What others often redeem as taboo or totally against gay norms I find thrilling. I love engaging in deep topics that others would consider as controversial and often uncomfortable to discuss in their circle groups. So I invited him to come onto Gays Speaking Out and to discuss his polyamory lifestyle.
When it comes to polyamory I personally don’t think the lifestyle is for me. Would I be completely against the idea? NO. I’m open-minded but it would have to be a very tight relationship with other individuals I trust wholeheartedly. I have nothing against open relationships. In fact, I think most open relationships are some of the most honest purest forms of love. When you can share your partner and relationship with others that’s a very rare situation to be in and it’s not commonly practiced in the gay community.
We chatted and he agreed to do this GSO but only if he could remain anonymous. He’s a very outspoken guy and by looking at his social media platforms he has no problem speaking his mind and not biting his tongue.
He’s had several tweets go viral online in the last year. So I wasn’t shocked how open and candid he was with me regarding his private life.
Check out our one on one chat and leave your comments and opinions as well. Make sure you do the poll questionnaires and enjoy this new post.
What made you decide that being in an open relationship was best for you?
Well, my partner and I made that decision almost five years ago. We decided that sexual monogamy wasn’t a viable option for where we both were spiritual. We wanted freedom and not a sense of control over each-other as sexual beings. Well, monogamy isn’t the tradition in point of view. It’s a social construct. Biblically people had multiple wives historically with people from the diaspora. Many people of African descent came from tribes that practiced non-monogamy and polyamory.
True, but in today’s society having many partners also brings the risk of contracting STDs and even HIV. In your current open relationship have you and your partner had any STD scares?
We have both have had a realistic conversation about HIV even though you can get an STI from oral sex. If you are having sex, make informed decisions about your health and also with your partner.
You mentioned, “Our relationship isn’t about ownership. We make agreements around what’s permissible in our relationships. We aren’t necessarily freakier. I have no kinks or fetishes. I like the freedom. For me, I like owning my body and making my own choices.” Can you elaborate on this statement?
Also, I love how you pointed out the whole ownership aspect. People tend to make monogamous relationships about ownership over their partner. Nobody has control or should be able to claim ownership over anybody. Whether if they’re dating or even in a serious relationship. So how do you feel about Gay men of color, who feels the need to treat their partners almost like property?
I think many people in monogamous relationships use their relationship as a part of ownership. I think if you have someone you will let them be great. My relationship isn’t orthodox. Because where we live as a couple. We do a lot to facilitate a space of growth. Right now both I and my partner focused on our professional paths, which has moved us to live again in two different states. We both don’t feel it’s fair to hold someone back from their greatness and their goals. You can create an unhappy partner and also create resentment. Relationships are amazing and full of love. They can trap and damning if each person doesn’t feel validated as an individual.
An interesting viewpoint. What one piece of advice would you give other guys like you who may be interested in getting into an open relationship and the polyamory lifestyle?
I will say I’m not pro-non-monogamy. I’m not anti-monogamy I am for people building their own kingdom and manifesting the love they desire. They both should agree to it. Regarding people wanting to approach non-monogamy. Have a strong case and articulate your feelings, if they are with it great, if not, great. I‘m very much in support of people finding the love they want and not compromising or settling. Don’t feel bad about going for what you know will make you happy.
Do you think inviting people into the bedroom could cause you or your partner to feel left out at some point? How would you react if your partner was to leave you for the “other” guy?
Well, we have rules about that. So in threesome situations, if we both don’t agree with the person or one of us is not feeling it, it’s a wrap [plan and simple]. The sanctity of our relationship comes first. So that wouldn’t happen. That’s why I suggest couples to make agreements at max before the first six months of the relationship pass. So it will never happen, and it hasn’t happened. I’m done with monogamy. Non-monogamy has been too spiritually liberating for me. I learned a lot of things about myself that I know I wouldn’t have found out in that space. So me and monogamy it’s a done deal.
Interesting! Tell us the benefits of being spiritually liberated in your non-monogamy relationship?
Well, it’s a lot of steps I have to take. The big piece is that my partner suggested therapy. So we both see one. The real piece is that I am in an unconditional relationship with myself. I accept the version I am, not who I was or what I will be. I seek joy instead of happiness now. Happiness is momentary and fleeting. Put yourself above everything. I put my peace of mind over my family, my relationship, and my friends. People find that weird. I protect and nurture my spiritual space. So I can pour myself into other people because I can’t pour into my fellow queer person if I’m always empty. I made an active choice, and it’s been amazing. Like the level of joy, I feel in my life is crazy. Choose yourself at some point and be OK with it.
That is pretty uplifting and very motivating. I think your piece of advice will help many of the readers to reflect on their own journeys. Do you think men in the non-monogamy lifestyle often feel judged?
Very judged. I do not know of any public non-monogamous couples of color who practice polyamory. White Gays are ahead of the curve on this with acceptance or either not giving a fuck. There is a lot of open couples, and some of our faves are in open relationships. The stigma is so bad it’s never discussed. This is the thing. If my lifestyle isn’t affecting you and had blocked on you finding love why are you giving me hell? Being told my relationship ain’t real or if you want to cheat. Why you in a relationship (which cheating requires deception). It even goes as far as how you will raise kids. It’s a lot. People stay private for a good reason.