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“Fem Top”

I’ve finally come to terms with the terminology of ”fem top.” For the longest, I had a problem embracing the term because of how judgmental other gay men were about it. 

It’s hard as it is to be a top who is feminine or don’t have the traditional “masculine” qualities. When you’re a top a lot of men expect you to be the straightest acting and looking top possible. 

When I first heard of the term “fem top” I thought of the insults and the lack of support those guys deal with  because of this term. I personally do not feel masculinity makes anybody more or less of a top. One’s sexual desires should not be based on their characteristics “mannerisms” but their true attraction. 

What annoys me is the whole stereotype of what a true top is to most gay men. I’m speaking about gay men who feel like if you don’t fit a traditional mold than you just a bottom who’s pretending or not a real top. Foolish shit to me, but this is how they judge gay men.

If my dick gets hard for ass and dick doesn’t arouse me at all then wouldn’t that speak for my sexual position and preference? 

No... well at least to some of these  “bottoms” 

They focus on the fantasy side of things more than the reality. A lot of bottoms fantasize about being with heterosexual men. So the closest you are to that then you’re highly regarded and chased after. 

Femininity to a lot of bottoms is deemed as undesirable and doesn’t offer most men the fantasy of being with a straight man. Whatever works for them, right?

For me coming to terms with the reality that I am a “fem top” and not a masc top was hard. I struggled with feeling judgment and less prioritized. I don’t want to be judged for just being myself, but unfortunately that’s the conditioning of the gay community.

For a long time, it was easy to go with the “versatile” bottom title or because it fit the mold. Gay men didn’t question or judge me because I fit into those categories of men. They already knew what to expect of me. But for me to claim myself as a top but I’m feminine on top of that makes things a little bit more complicated. 

I don’t want to be denied the opportunity of dating but the reality is I will face discrimination because of it. The moment I announce my femininity will be the moment most bottoms shut me down. It doesn’t matter how bomb my dick game is or my tongue game or what’s even deeper than that. They not going to be here for no top with feminine qualities to climb their back. Some of them yeah, but the search will be much harder than a man covered in tattoos, beard, masculine energy, etc. 

The upside to claiming myself as a fem top is the good part of eliminating opinionated bottoms and embracing more open-minded individuals. Once again my options are smaller but at least I can be true to myself.

That’s how I am, I’m very open-minded and I’m attracted to all bottoms. I have no preferences when it comes to bottoms and ass. If I’m attracted to your spirit (internal being) and I feel a connection then I’m open to all options. There are no “masc bottoms only” with me. Close mindedness only results with small pool and opportunities in my opinion. Good ass is good ass and I rather not be stuck with no ass due to my judgmental ass ways.

I love seeing gay men claiming fem top because it shows me that everybody isn’t so closed off to being open and expressing their true selves. It’s very attractive to see a man stand in his truth and not fear what others think about it. I’m finally growing into that man myself. I love the person I am becoming today. 

I can’t change people’s minds, but if I can have you guys thinking about all sides of these topics then I’m doing something right. I’m all about agree or agreeing to disagree or not to agree at all. Open your mind and heart to all people and you never know who you may find by doing so. There’s a lot of great men who are outside of masculine tops that may offer you more. Don’t be closed-minded to everybody.